Rachel Uchitel Denies Any Shenanigans With Tiger Woods, Countdown to Her Playboy Spread Begins
Athletes and Celebrities, Athletes are targets, Golf December 1st. 2009, 9:12am
Rachel Uchitel, the pretty hot “director of VIP services” – fancy title for hostess – gave a rambling explanation to the NY Post about how she didn’t have an affair with Tiger Woods. It isn’t the most gripping four-page read in the world, but it sounded believable enough. Here’s the abridged version: As a “VIP hostess,” Uchitel seated Tiger and some friends at a table in a NYC club; in Vegas once, one of Tiger’s friends was setting up table service and while she struggled to make the reservation happen (furious texts and calls!), a whorish, drug-using non-friend of hers happened to be listening to the entire conversation, and ran to the National Enquirer to make a quick $25,000. Uchitel was so confident she was willing to take a lie-detector test. She claims she did not meet Tiger Woods in Australia, but only said she was there “with friends.” That’s probably code for “rich guys who fly around the world to party, and I get to go for free.”
82 Responses to “Rachel Uchitel Denies Any Shenanigans With Tiger Woods, Countdown to Her Playboy Spread Begins”
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December 1st, 2009 at 9:15 AM
Probably what she should have said.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:16 AM
guilty until proven innocent!!! she killed vince young, too!
December 1st, 2009 at 9:17 AM
That’s probably code for “rich guys who fly around the world to party, and I get to go for free.”
Which is code for high end call girl.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:17 AM
fancy title for hostess
Big Ben’s lady friend was a VIP host
December 1st, 2009 at 9:18 AM
i thought she was the cable repair man?
December 1st, 2009 at 9:18 AM
People can complain about this story all they want, but you can’t question why TBL is covering it, its a freaking huge story. My wife who knows nothing about sports walks in the door yesterday and immediately says “so whats the deal with Tiger, turn on E! news.” Sure enough E! freaking news spent like the first 8 minutes of the show on this, so yeah, its not going away.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:19 AM
Based on the few photos of her, she’s not tight at all.
Some celebs just know how to take full advantage (clooney, dicaprio) of their social status, when it comes to picking women, and some don’t.
I do give props to tiger’s wife, though.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:22 AM
So because E! covers it that makes it huge? No wonder this country is in the shape that it is, we care what E!, the network that ran re-enactments of the fucking Michael Jackson trial, covers. Awesome.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:25 AM
She’s dirty looking. Skanky.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:25 AM
So, are we just going to let this slide? It’s still kind of early to jump all over a small mistake like this.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:26 AM
hahaha
December 1st, 2009 at 9:27 AM
People are always interested in celebrity, and especially celebrity fall from grace. If it involves sex, the interest goes through the roof.
You can choose not to be interested in that, but you’re right — unfortunately (in my opinion) it’s still a story.
What should be shouted down and denounced is any A-hole who says Tiger doesn’t deserve any sympathy or privacy. Or that he “should do X or Y for the good of Z.”
December 1st, 2009 at 9:28 AM
wow, yeah, my bad. man, what was i thinking with that one…
haha, i’ll take a little blue cheese dressing and hot sauce with my crow if it’s to be served.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:28 AM
That chick has had some serious, yet mediocre, plastic surgery. Her lips appear to be from the Lisa Rinna collection.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:28 AM
Thank you. If people were wondering what the word “skank” means, they could look at that picture and figure it out.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:29 AM
this story is smelling ripe…like it’s about to die.
and i couldn’t be happier.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:31 AM
The wine glass says “I’m classy and high maintenance”
The vest says “not that classy and fairly easy”
December 1st, 2009 at 9:31 AM
I bet she smells like vanilla.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:32 AM
the chest says “wanna do a few lines in the bathroom and finish with a quickie?”
December 1st, 2009 at 9:32 AM
No, the point was that a woman who doesn’t follow sports one bit knew about it and was interested. Yesterday people were all “why are we talking about this” and “why is tbl posting about this.” Thats why.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:34 AM
Well, TBL is talking about this for two reasons.
The first, and most important: http://www.google.com/trends
The second, less important but still necessary, Tiger is a sports figure.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:35 AM
I prefer to believe the TMZ story that the scratches on Woods’ face were from Elin, who then chased him out of the house with a golf club, which caused him to crash. That’s straight out of a movie.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:36 AM
i think that was from the jennifer lopez classic, “Enough”.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:37 AM
I think you should re read it.
Some gems
“WHEN asked about what her connection with one of the sources is and what happened on the vacation, Uchitel said: “She was just a roommate of a friend who got invited at the last minute. This guy at the hotel gave her 3,000 euros to go upstairs with him, and then basically got the money back because two minutes into whatever they were doing, she passed out from too many Quaaludes.”
December 1st, 2009 at 9:38 AM
Can’t wait for the post about amniotic fluid embolisms. The ass-implant embolism wasn’t good enough.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:39 AM
So, flipping channels when I got home last night, stopped on Extra when I see them talking about this, and Mario Lopez proceeds to descibe this chick as ”his best friend in the entire world.”
December 1st, 2009 at 9:39 AM
going to continue to copy and paste this everytime someone says, ‘who cares?’, k?
latest from TMZ: Despite Tiger’s injuries, not a drop of blood in the car. Even though Elin smashed out the back window … she opened the door and helped him out.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:40 AM
you are right. i laughed out loud at 630 am reading this. really.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:40 AM
fixed.
/adjusts monacle
//spits
December 1st, 2009 at 9:41 AM
fact: Vanillaroma is the best car tree scent known to man.
fact II: dated a chick in college who used to wear that vanilla hand lotion from bath and body works. greatest smell ever.
oddly, i dont ever jUST eat vanilla ice cream. always vanilla/chocolate mixed.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:41 AM
+4
this guy needs to comment more. GYD, where ya been?
December 1st, 2009 at 9:41 AM
That’s because she smashed the window as he was pulling away, which caused him to crash, and then she opened the door to get him out.
Could it be that TMZ is the most reliable news outlet out there?
December 1st, 2009 at 9:42 AM
To be fair, Uchitel was majoring in biochemistry at Penn before finding her “calling” of being fucked by rich guys.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:42 AM
new car scent, FTW!!!
/would also accept “black ice” or the purple leaf thingees
December 1st, 2009 at 9:43 AM
ok, let’s walk though this one, CSI style, just for argument sake.
The Cadillac probably has auto locks which engage when the car is put in drive, right? If the door was locked, she would have had to bust a window to get the door opened. if someone was knocked out, do you bust the window next to their face, or the one behind them to reach around and unlock the door?
i fully believe she smacked him around, smashed up the car as he was leaving, but was also the first on the scene of the accident when she realized he could have been really hurt.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:43 AM
fact: Vanillaroma is the best car tree scent known to man
car tree? Let me know when you have upgraded to the crown. new car scent best ever
December 1st, 2009 at 9:44 AM
30 bucks says the flute has Hypnotic or, if its a little while back, Sizzurp
December 1st, 2009 at 9:45 AM
wrong. lovespell from victoria’s secret ftw!
December 1st, 2009 at 9:46 AM
I’m not saying this isn’t a story, I’m saying acting as though there is some big coverup because Tiger doesn’t want he and his wife to talk about their marriage problems in public annoys me. Why do you care that Tiger’s marriage isn’t perfect? Does that validate you having an imperfect marriage? “well shit honey, even Tiger and Elin go through this.” questioning who cares is not the right angle. Questioning why someone cares is the better way of looking at it.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:46 AM
irish knows what’s up.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:47 AM
Forgot to mention that the stock video footage they showed was of her pouring shots for Fred Durst and other assorted douches.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:47 AM
Ludes? Fucking Ludes, Man? What is this, 1973?
December 1st, 2009 at 9:48 AM
i ws thinking something more along the lines of a fine boxed wine.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:49 AM
nah. can’t use this. she’d immediately follow with “when you make a billion dollars, then I’ll let it slide.”
December 1st, 2009 at 9:49 AM
Weakest combo available. Bryers has a Vanilla/Carmel and Vanilla/Orange Sherbet that are the tits.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:50 AM
+1000 GOTG…that was the most spot-on post I’ve ever seen from you.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:51 AM
Also, if Tiger was banging this chick, I hope she was letting him play out all of his dreams on her because you’d think a young billionaire could pull some higher quality trim.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:52 AM
Do you want police not to do their job too? Or only apply laws and protocol to non celebs?
December 1st, 2009 at 9:52 AM
Blue Bell > Breyers
/fact
December 1st, 2009 at 9:53 AM
ben and jerry’s > everything else
December 1st, 2009 at 9:53 AM
Elin must really be a jealous psycho if she’s beating up her multi-millionaire husband (and father of her children) over a story in the National Enquirer that both her husband and the skank are claiming is completely untrue.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:54 AM
tiger’s not getting preferential treatment. and the cops would be doing their job by not wasting time and resources on a victimless accident with no property damage.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:55 AM
the police have done their jobs. it was a single person/vehicle accident, no alcohol involved. possible domestic incident, but if no parties want to move forward with pressing charges, there’s not much the cops can do except grandstanding and wasting taxpayer dollars.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:55 AM
What is their job here? Who committed a crime? Who is in danger?
There is no job. This is a police department that has gotten caught up in celebrity. F them too.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:56 AM
Nothing tops Breyers (except PSU Creamery), I will fight to the death on this. Does Blue Bell have actual vanilla bean guts in their vanilla?
December 1st, 2009 at 9:56 AM
SM…LMAO. You don’t even enow how far off base here…it’s just the opposite. The cops are doing things in this case that they wouldn’t dream of doing if Tiger were a non-celebrity.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:56 AM
White Barn’s Fresh Linen supersedes all air fresheners.
Kroger’s Private Selection Fried Ice Cream is titty.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:56 AM
Maybe true (if police were not lied to).
So no more tickets for speeding. or running empty red lights. Or talking on cell phone. Etc Etc Etc. Since in 99% of those cases there is no victim or damage.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:57 AM
What Spencer said. What job are the cops not doing? A single car accident with no victims is not their business. If Tiger does not press charges there is nothing for the cops to do. Except, you know, preventing and solving real crimes in Florida. Surely some teacher is banging her 8th grade pupil at this very moment in that shithole of a state.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:58 AM
who are you to say they were lied to?
and those thigns are all against the law. tiger will get a ticket, etc, but nobody cares about that.
you’re way off base man.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:58 AM
The police are not responsible for tracking down the truth to every statement anyone ever makes to them. Who cares if Tiger lied to them?
He did all he was required to do, and there is no crime here.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:59 AM
correct.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:59 AM
Surely some teacher is banging her 8th grade pupil at this very moment in that shithole of a state.
Our shithole >>>>your shithole
/we have beaches
December 1st, 2009 at 10:00 AM
Girl is seen by neighbors with a bloody face after here boyfriend ’saves’ her by pulling her out of car that she crashed why appearing to want to speed off the probably. She has what appears to be slap marks on her face but She says there are no domestic violence issues.
You say the police should do nothing further?
December 1st, 2009 at 10:00 AM
Probably should be amended to say “F the officer or officers who are taking TMZ’s money to leak private information.”
December 1st, 2009 at 10:00 AM
sg – OR, Elin might have had her suspicions about tiger cheating? i also agree that flying off the handle like that over a non-story seems strange.
didnt she just have a second kid? maybe she’s not handling that well
December 1st, 2009 at 10:02 AM
I was craving some Pumpkin Pie ice cream from the creamery this weekend.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:02 AM
Meh, sounds like you’re projecting and reading more into it than there is. There is a difference between being interested and caring, just because I’m slightly interested doesn’t mean I give a shit whether he dropped his cell phone and crashed or whether his wife walked in on him doing blow off a hookers ass and then beat him up. Doesnt matter to me, but I’m not justifying any of my own lifes failures by being curious.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:02 AM
SM: if no charges are filed, the police have NOTHING to do. Have charges been filed?
December 1st, 2009 at 10:03 AM
yes. if tiger wanted to press charges, SINCE HE’S THE ALLEGED VICTIM, he would’ve already. he’s not. move on, coppers.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:04 AM
Me, no one. But to say that the Police have no right to is something else. When police are involved it becomes public. Frankly I could care less, but to act like it should be just be swept under the rug when there are a few ultimate possibilities is silly. He may get a ticket for driving Barefoot!
December 1st, 2009 at 10:05 AM
Coop: I should have said “why does one care” rather than why do you care as I was not addressing you specifically. My bad on that one.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:05 AM
Well thats not entirely true, if he was high on painkillers at the time of the crash.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:06 AM
Most states have some kind of battered wife law where they have to investigate even if the victim refuses to press charges. Quite often the victim is too scared of the abuser to come forward/press charges.
I know Gods, just puttin it out there.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:06 AM
that’s up to the girl/alleged victim, not people watching E! news to decide.
there are only two people who know all the facts, Tiger and Elin. If you don’t know the facts, don’t presume to know how the police or the private parties involved should proceed with the issues.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:08 AM
I watched a like 10 minutes of the Larry King replay after MNF last night. Mark Geragos and some PR guy both said Tiger is wrong to stay silent and that he should get out in front of this story. He’s letting the tabloids frame it.
Also, Geragos said the police have the right and will get the medical records, and he’s one of the biggest defense lawyers in the country. He also said the story would probably go another 72-96 hours and then die, unless some charges come out of the situation.
and coop is right on the need to investigate the domestic violence angle (that’s why they want the records), even though in this instance the roles are reversed
December 1st, 2009 at 10:11 AM
This story is about profiting from a person’s private, family problems. This is about getting a spot at the trough of celebrity obsession profiteering — whether it’s TMZ, ESPN, the NY Post, or TBL.
Sorry if this is sermonizing, but I do think it sucks.
//off my high horse. Sorry.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:11 AM
Right or wrong, with Tiger being the alleged victim, cops will treat this differently than if it was Elin as the victim.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:14 AM
I agree. Roles reversed the guy who breaks the car with a golf club is sitting in jail for questioning or waiting to post bail.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:19 AM
Hey 1973 was a fun year.
/thinks so,but is actually kinda hazy about the 70’s
December 1st, 2009 at 10:25 AM
TBL I think the baby is at least 4 or 5 months old. If she was having postpartum depression, I’m sure she would have seen a doctor by now. That being said, you make a good point about there possibly being other affairs which could explain why this particular one set her off.
December 1st, 2009 at 10:55 AM
Recovering from my turkey coma, then back at the salt mine.
Thanks for the props.