Mets 4, Cardinals 0 – Ike! Future NL MVP and Rookie of the Year Ike Davis homered in the third inning and that was more than enough for the Mets to crush the Cards. The Mets also managed to leave 9 runners on base. Luckily, the Cardinals had nothing to offer.

Ronnie 2, Sammi 0 – Of course I’m referring to the three-way makeout that ended the premiere episode of Jersey Shore last night. If Sammi hadn’t treated my man Ronnie poorly in the past, he wouldn’t have had to go creepin’. She should have known better.

Rays 4, Tigers 2 – Miguel Cabrera, the greatest Tiger since Tiger Woods, went oh-fer as Detroit fell six games behind the White Sox in the Central. How far back were they a week ago? I have no idea. Carlos Pena homered and drove in all four Tampa Bay runs.

Nationals 5, Braves 3 – Adam Dunn homered and doubled in support of Scott “Stun Gun” Olsen who earned his 3rd win of the season.

Rockies 9, Pirates 3 – Since Baltimore exists, the Pirates aren’t the worst team in baseball. That’s something to hang a hat on.

Marlins 5, Giants 0 – Fare thee well, Jorge Cantu. Jorge went 2-4 and scored twice in his final game for the Marlins. I’ll miss the big lug. Anibal Sanchez threw a complete game 1-hit shutout. The Marlins are still 7.5 games out of first, despite the fact that they’ve been wrecking shit lately. Sad face.

Yankees 11, Indians 4 – Robinson Cano hit a ball over the fence in the outfield. Meanwhile, A-Rod went another game without an A-Bomb. He’s currently sitting on 599 like its Derek Jeter’s lap and he shows no signs of getting off. Well, maybe that’s not the right way to say it. Nick Swisher was struck out by position-player Andy Marte in the 9th inning and said, “I now have a new most embarrassing moment.”

History 20, Snookie – “I feel like a pilgrim from the freakin’ twenties.” 1620′s, right Snook?

Phillies 3, Diamondbacks 2 – Man, I hate the Phillies.

White Sox 9, Mariners 5 – Freddy Garcia went 6 innings and earned his 10th victory in a row. That triggers a clause in his contract that Ozzie Guillen will dedicate 5 nonsensical tweets to him over the next week. Are you ready to try and figure out what the hell they mean!?

Orioles 6, Royals 5 – Remember how I said Baltimore was the worst? Well, they are, but baseball teams play so many games in a season that the worst teams can’t help but win every now and again. I’m sure this is news to you. That last part was really intended for aliens in case they’re reading Yardwork for the first time and trying to learn about Major League Baseball. Don’t worry, Hernia will be back on Monday. He was up a little late fist pumping.

[Ike via Getty]