Jessica Alba, who for some reason is in Machete … man is drunk, gets shot, and notices five years later … man charged with hate crime for allegedly stabbing Muslim cab driver … D Wade goes undercover … Nate Silver’s back, you’ll want to pay attention … Christina Hendricks’ London Fog ad may have been photoshopped! ZOMG! … Rachel Uchitel, on the beach … alleged thief to cops: “You’ve got me by the balls” … look in the background – he’s stealing their bag! … Miley Cyrus broke up with her co-star … cat-tossing lady: “It’s just a cat” …

Announcer Rob Dibble was hit with a 2-game suspension for his idiotic statements about Stephen Strasburg. The rookie apparently is done for the season. [Nationals Journal, SI]

Is today D-Day for Bob Bradley as US soccer coach? [SI]

Rick Pitino, what a comedian – he picked St. John’s to win the Big East next season. “Nine seniors. Everyone but Pitt and Villanova lost key players,” he told Andy Katz. [ESPN]

No wonder the Nuggets suddenly want to trade JR Smith. [Fanhouse]

“Journalists deserve a living wage.” Go nuts, folks. [Mediabistro]

A stray bullet from a Juarez gun battle struck a building on the UTEP campus. [El Paso Times]

Construction costs have been approved for the 18,000-seat, $59 million high school football stadium in Texas. [USA Toady]

Kyle Orton is the Broncos’ QB of the future? Don’t tell that to Josh McDaniels or fans in Denver. [SI]

The late Eddie Griffin is impressed: “A Cincinnati woman was simultaneously masturbating with a sex toy and watching a pornographic video while driving last week, according to cops who arrested her on assorted criminal charges.” [Smoking Gun]

Pretty cool read on Rafa Nadal and the US Open. [NY Observer]

Michael Jordan’s kid talks about that tweeting disaster in Vegas. [Fox Sports]

After reading about the passing of Bill Cowher’s wife, tell people you know to fear the sun and avoid tanning beds. [NYT]

Anybody buying this from Tiki Barber’s girlfriend? [Page Six]

This occurred on live TV. [via Hot Clicks]