The UFC was in Boston this weekend and I was lucky enough to be there in person. With the help of a press pass, I was able to get into the John B. Hynes Convention Center to check out the UFC Fan Expo and the official weigh-ins. Here’s everything I did this weekend that had nothing to do with the actual fights.

I got to Boston on Friday around 11am and decided to take a cab to the Expo. I told the female driver (first mistake, I know) I was going to the Hynes Convention Center. She said, “Oh, the new one?” “The John B. Hynes Convention Center,” I replied. She told me it was the only one she knew. Keep in mind, I haven’t been to Boston since I was 12 and as far as I knew, that rock over there is the Hynes Convention Center. So, 35 dollar cab ride later, I’m at the wrong fucking convention center. I don’t know if she was an idiot or if that’s what they do so that people keep getting screwed out of cab fares.

After that Hellish start, I finally arrived at the correct convention center on the other side of town. It was a rough start, but things turned out alright.

The first thing you learn at the fan expo is that people absolutely love Shogun Rua. The UFC’s light heavyweight champion must have signed autographs and taken pictures for 8 straight hours Friday and Saturday. Its a good thing he doesn’t have to fight anytime soon because his hands must feel like Jerry’s after he signed all those checks from his Nana Super Terrific Happy Hour.

(Can’t believe I messed up that Seinfeld reference. No soup for me!)

Arianny Celeste – not bad looking in person.

There were girls handing out fliers for a bar outside the Expo. They asked if people were planning on “watching the game tomorrow night.”

Wes Sims is really fucking strange man. That’s no act.

I can’t tell if Jon Jones is really huge, or if Urijah Faber and he standing together creates the JWoww/Snookie Effect. You know how you can’t tell if JWoww is a giant or not because she’s always next to Snookie? Am I saying Urijah Faber is the Snookie of MMA? Certainly not to his face.

Did I mention how many people were there? A lot. They just kept pouring in all day.

MMA Fighting’s Mike Chiappetta is really tall.

MMA Fighting’s Ariel Helwani is really popular. For the life of me, I’m not sure why, but I saw more people take pictures with him than Arianny. I guess that’s one of life’s great mysteries.

Gabriel Gonzaga seems like a goofball. That face he made after he kicked Cro Cop’s head off his shoulders is the same one he makes to little kids in pictures.

Most booths that were doing it right had girls in booty-shorts and bra’s that were working overtime.

T-shirts rule the sport. I had to buy the Chan Sung Jung walk-out T from WEC 48. Especially when the guys from Tri Coasta threw in the Joe Luazon gamer T for another 5 bucks.

My brother’s friend from college did the truffle shuffle on stage during a trivia contest. Just thought I should mention that. He made it to the finals of a trivia contest called “Are You Smarter Than An Octagon Girl,” hosted by Stephan Bonnar. I was both proud and ashamed.

The weigh-ins had a good crowd. Probably the most impressive part about the UFC is how many heterosexual males will show up to do nothing but watch 10-12 guys strip to their underwear on a Friday during Happy Hour.

The lowlight of the weigh-ins – James Toney’s fat ass.

The highlight of the weigh-ins – Gabe Ruediger gave Joe Lauzon a cake that said, “Sorry for your loss.”

People love BJ Penn and Randy Couture. They’ve been fighting the big fights longer than most fans have been watching. If you’re fighting that generation of UFC fighter, you’re probably not going to get many cheers. Frankie Edgar certainly didn’t. Either that, or Boston just hates New Jersey.

Other than that, guys stripping to their underwear.

/no homo

The bars in Boston close at 2am. The bar at my hotel closes at 1am. If you don’t think I chugged as many 20-ounce PBR drafts as I possibly could between midnight and 1, you must be new to the site. Welcome.

Saturday was more of the same, but a little hung over.

Parking for the day – 30 dollars. Do not drive to Boston. Take the train. They rape you with parking costs. My girlfriend had to pay $135 to park at her hotel when she was there for a conference earlier this summer.

The Green Dragon Tavern had $12 lobster. Delicious.

I’m still trying to figure out a way to describe Joe Rogan in person. The best I can come up with is that he’s built like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figure. That doesn’t quite do him justice though. Dude’s just not built like a regular human.

Shouldn’t pubs in Boston get the first kegs of Sam Adam’s Oktoberfest? I can buy a 6-pack in Albany before I can get it at a bar in Boston? What’s up with that?

Shaq showed up at the expo on Sunday while I was at lunch. As I was leaving, I walked past Big Baby Davis. Sorry, I’m just pointlessly name-dropping at this point.

People are handing out shit everywhere. Only its nothing you’ll ever use. Posters of supplements. Stickers for clothing brands you’ve never heard of. Autographed pictures of Herb Dean. The list goes on. At least SpikeTV was handing out cups. I can drink from a cup. I’m a grown man, what am I going to do with a sticker?

It took all my will power to not sign up for a UFC credit card just so I could get a free t-shirt.

Would I pay $50 for the 2-day Fan Expo pass? Probably not, but if the Expo comes to your town, its worth checking out for a day. If only to catch a glance of Ariel Helwani or stand in line for two hours to awkwardly put your arm around Arianny Celeste. London, you’ve been warned.

Tomorrow – Randy Couture’s legend, Frankie Edgar’s greatness and James Toney…. Oh, James Toney…

[Shogun via Combat Lifestyle]