Aside from Christmas and Thanksgiving, opening night in the NFL might be the only other day of the year where every dude truly gets along with their peers and finds the patience in their heart to act cordial to complete pricks. I even gave the person seated next to me my newspaper as I left the subway this morning. Yes, the NFL – excuse me, The National Football League – has become that damn special. Given that throbbing truth, today’s edition of Yardwork will have a splash of pigskin talk.

Phillies 10, Marlins 6: Cole Hamels hasn’t given up a run in 22 innings and he’s allowed just two runs over his last 29. If anything close to this keeps up, Philly will tear through the NL in October. Football related – Eagles: I’m pulling hard for the Drunk Tank. Dolphins: They get to open the season against a horrifying Bills team while the weather is still pleasant in Buffalo. What a gift.

Yankees 3, Orioles 2: Last year, on September 8, Nick Swisher hit a walkoff shot at Yankee Stadium to beat the Rays. It was his 26th home run. Yesterday, September 8, Nick Swisher hit a walkoff shot at Yankee Stadium to beat the Orioles. It was his 26th home run. Spooky shit. Football related – Ravens: Expect Flacco to foolishly mess with Revis Island and get the horns, much like what happened to Charles Widmore. Giants: It’s been really windy here the past couple days. If Eli sticks to short underhanded lobs, Carolina is toast.

Mets 3, Nationals 2: That’s two in a row for Los Mets. Don’t tell me this team has given up on the season. Football related - Jets: They may have a different feel these days, but they’re still the Jets. But I say this in Jest. Redskins: Dallas in town, first game of the season, night game on NBC. Gonna be a shitshow in the stands.

Tigers 5, White Sox 1: Are White Sox fans ready to throw in the towel? I just don’t see the Twins going on an ugly enough losing streak for the Sox to jump back in the race. Football related - The corresponding teams here actually face each other Sunday! The Lions are marching into Solider Field and winning. A hilarious Chicago media shitstorm awaits.

Twins 4, Royals 3: Judging by tweets alone last night, you would have thought Matt Capps ripped off his Twins jersey to reveal a White Sox jersey and then defiantly mowed “Fuck Off” into the outfield grass. Zack Greinke took the loss, falling to 8-12. He has one win in his last seven starts and would very much like the season to be over. Football related – Chiefs: Ah yes, Chiefs fans. Are they not the best? Vikings: Let’s go Favre until the playoffs begin. Another meltdown, please. Also, THIS.

Braves 9, Pirates 3: Finally, some signs of life from the Braves. They remain just a half game back of the Phils. Their next six are against the Nats and Mets. Probably a good time to take back first place before they go into Philly for a three-game tango. Football related - Steelers: Ben Roethlisberger has a gray penis. Falcons: Matt Ryan and Co. are simply too legit to quit.

Red Sox 11, Rays 5: Just a sloppy, ugly mess of a game by the Rays. A total of 52 runs were scored in the three games played at Fenway. In short, every pitcher sucked. Football related - Patriots: The Bill, Tom Brady, and Tom Brady’s hair. The Pats are always fascinating. Buccaneers – Josh Freeman? Josh Johnson? Rudy Carpenter? Hilarious depth chart.

[Photo via Getty]