Jacksonville Jaguars 2012 NFL Preview: The Ballad of Blaine Gabbert

To further deflate matters, Jacksonville’s franchise savior is a guy named Blaine. Yes, BLAINE. As an exasperated Ducky once aptly stated, “Blaine? His name is Blaine? That’s a major appliance, that’s not a name!”

On that note, here are some thoughtful thoughts on the 2012 Jacksonville Jaguars.

2011 Record — A paltry 5-11, avoiding last place thanks to the Peyton-less Indianapolis Colts.

Who’s the Head Coach This Season? — Gone is G.I. Joe figure Jack Del Rio and in his place will be Mike Mularkey, whose prior head coaching experience includes two third place finishes as head honcho of the Buffalo Bills. Sounds promising.

Expansion Jags Still Feel Like the Expansion Jags — Not sure if it’s Jacksonville’s dreadful uniforms, the severe lack of interest in the team, or both, but the stench of expansion has never really escaped this team despite having joined the NFL 17 seasons ago along with the Carolina Panthers. They arrived as an afterthought and remain an afterthought despite a few fun years with Mark Brunell, particularly when they took out the top-seeded Broncos in the 1996 playoffs. James Stewart was a pretty serviceable running back for the Jaguars every time Fred Taylor sprained something, which was every other week, but was never accepted because he played college football at Tennessee. Cool franchise. When someone can figure out why an NFL team was awarded to the city of Jacksonville, please provide an explanation in sky writing for all of us to see.

New Owner Shahid Khan — Shahid Khan has a tremendous story, so I’m interested to see what he does with the franchise. Moving the team to Los Angeles would be a wonderful start. Whatever he does, it’s impossible not to enjoy the presence of this man. He’s a wonderful mash-up of Ron Jeremy and the vocally gifted Tony Orlando. What’s not to love? If you’re not already on board with Khan, who has staunchly refused to kowtow to the demands of Maurice Jones-Drew, then you’re simply not paying attention. It’s clear by his actions that he’s been watching the work of Mark Cuban and the late George Steinbrenner. It won’t be long before players around the league begin to take notice.

Blaine Gabbert? — If you’re confident in the Blaine Gabbert era, you should also fire your hair stylist and pray for sunshine sometime soon. The reset button is your friend. Press it, and start over.

Outlook — 4-12, and sniffing the floor like a overly aggressive Swiffer.

The Jacksonville Jaguars Anthem for 2012 — “Silent Lucidity” by Queensryche. Why? The lyrics of “hush now don’t you cry, wipe away the teardrop from your eye” seem to really speak to the fanbase.