Archive for the 'Losers' Category

Cleveland_Browns_Ralph _WiggumHorrendous Stat Of The Week, Possibly Decade: It took the Cleveland Browns until their 13th game of the season for a running back to score a rushing touchdown. Seriously, well over three months for an RB to break the plane of the endzone while running. That's an astounding 49 empty quarters of what appear to be Ralph Wiggum clones aimlessly wandering around a football field, occasionally jousting over who gets to chew on the brown thingie that wears shoelaces. And the Steelers lost to this team. All Terrible Towels must be put through the paper shredder today. No exceptions. (38)

Glaring Error, or Just Clueless: Where Was Martin Mayhew’s Intelligence the Past Eight Years?

Losers, NFL 21 Comments »

Richard Justice believes that new Lions General Manager Martin Mayhew is intelligent, and that this will resurrect the team.

Martin Mayhew understands why some teams win and some teams don’t. He’ll hire good people and give them the freedom and resources to do their jobs. He’ll make decisions based on what’s best for the Lions and not what’s popular.

There’s something right about hiring a really smart guy that has listened and learned and watched along the way. It feels like things are going to change in Detroit, maybe quickly. Of all the things you can call an 0-16 franchise, dumb is no longer one of them. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m Going to Shove a Broomstick up Your Butt

Kind of Gay, Losers, Mental Illness, Oh, Pathetic Injuries 11 Comments »

File this under “boys will be boys — and sodomizers”. In Las Vegas, New Mexico (yes, it exists … kind of like California, Missouri), a high school football camp turned took a sore turn for the worst when the pre-season hazing and initiation rituals um, just read it.

New Mexico State Police are investigating possible criminal wrongdoing, a spokesman said, while the owner of the camp in Gallinas Canyon said investigators visited a couple of the bunkhouses on Friday afternoon where the students stayed. Read the rest of this entry »

Philadelphia: Title-less Town USA

Losers, Numbers 58 Comments »

Our new numbers guy, Max Wasserman, is now taking requests. A reader’s question: What the chances that each pro sports team from Philadelphia (Phillies, 76ers, Eagles, Flyers) could go 25 years without a title? Crunching the numbers – math rules – after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

PM Roundup: Fight Jose Canseco for $5k

Baseball, Bill Simmons, College Basketball, Golf, Losers, NFL, Track & Field, Women's Sports 54 Comments »

If you watched Step by Step, perhaps you’ll recognize Christine Lakin. To prospective interns: Here’s a damn good blog voice. Not sports, but breezy, fun, and crass when necessary.

If you try to give Norman Chad WNBA tickets, he’s likely to tear them up. (Washington Post)

Further reason Big 10 hoops will suck next year: Iowa’s best player transfers to Southern Illinois. (Des Moines Register)

Bill Simmons, now posting old Sports Guy columns. (Sports Guy Unplugged)

Congrats to Olympic sprinter Allyson Felix for getting her degree. (LA Times)

A very contrary look at Jon Lester’s no hitter. (Bad Choice Milk)

Anyone want to fight Jose Canseco for $5,000? (Daily News)

This seals it – gas prices will keep us home for July 4. (Yahoo)

Pedro Martinez is mulling retirement due to injuries and his ailing father. (NY Daily News)

Akron hoops player and a shootout. (Rush the Court)

Everyone knew this was coming: Andruw Jones likely out five weeks. (LA Times)

The Bengals 2005 draft was beyond awful. (Fanhouse)

Tiger Woods is the most fit guy in America? Lists suck. (Men’s Fitness)

Someone who is a fan Jen Aniston’s rear end. (City Rag)

Can This Please Be the End of Jose Canseco?

Losers, Media Gossip/Musings 28 Comments »

Jose Canseco shot his wad in 2005 when he broke the lame “code” and outed a bunch of steroid users in Major League Baseball. Everyone initially scoffed, but he was vindicated when the Mitchell Report was released in December. A wise man would have smiled on the steps of Congress and then faded into Bolivian. (Like McGwire!)

Why won’t Canseco leave the world alone? He’s as annoying and irrelevant as OJ Simpson; as insufferable as that douche who wears his high school letter jacket 20 years after graduating forever living in the past, and so desperate to be part of the conversation. Be gone. Please.

The Man Behind Max (SI)

So About That Jersey…

Baseball, Blithering Idiots, Fighting, Losers, Rich Old White People, What the hell is wrong with people 68 Comments »

I wrote about the whole “Red Sox jersey in the new Yankee stadium” thing yesterday. If it was just mentioned in the media and everyone moved on, it would have been pretty funny. Its the kind of story that could have appeared on MTV’s High School Stories: Scandals, Pranks and Controversies. I thought we would be done with it.

Then the Yankees decided to dig it up. Understandable, I guess – if you’re the kind of moron who believes in curses. (Full disclosure: I have seen Just My Luck in it’s entirety and enjoyed it immensely.) I see this whole thing as being no worse than stealing the rival high school’s mascot. Then again, it doesn’t usually cost 50 grand to get the mascot back. Read the rest of this entry »

Michael Vick Is Not Playing Prison Football, But I Like To Imagine He Is

Losers, Prison Rules 51 Comments »

If Michael Vick was playing prison yard football I doubt anyone would be surprised. Hell, ESPN who would probably want to televise the games.

I mean, it’s inevitable, right? When the idea of Vick going to jail first occurred to us, I’m sure we all thought of the obvious jokes. Basically, we were all prepared for the real-life equivalent of The Longest Yard.

So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that yesterday a thousand blog posts (supposedly) came true. Via ESPN:

When they choose sides for football games in the yard at the United States Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kan., Michael Vick is the popular pick.

Twice for the same game, it seems.

He plays for both teams? There must be a ton of happy incarcerated defensive backs in Leavenworth, right now. Read the rest of this entry »

Rent Dennis Rodman to Help You Dye Your Hair

Losers 28 Comments »

We long ago lost interest in Dennis Rodman, but when someone types something as laughable as, “Not since Scott Baio has there been a more in-demand man by starlets in Hollywood than Rodman,” well, we can’t help but wallow in a bit of schadenfreude. The Worm needs money, and he’s desperate to stay relevant. It’s a disgusting combination, like rum, Goldschlager and jagr (Liquid Cocaine, they call it).

* PIG vs. Dennis Rodman – $75
* The worm gives you advice on how to date women: $125
* “Ride a Harley with Dennis down Michigan Avenue for $80. Ride will last 15 minutes and includes two personalized autographs and 10 minutes of unlimited photos.” Read the rest of this entry »