Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi probably have a better rivalry in retirement than anyone on the ATP. Awwwwwkward. Anyone want to explain the Obama line? [via the 78 people who weren't ensconced in college hoops yesterday]

Around the :20 mark, a fan screams a line from Austin Powers. The audience laughs. Surprised nobody pulled a stunt like this at media day. [via Hot Clicks]

Greatest ever? I’m no tennis guru, but the guy is a beast.

The win added to his all-time record of Grand Slam titles, which now stands at 16.

In the loss, Murray, who often resembles a violent alien-woodchuck, managed to find a sense of humor:

“I got great support back home the last couple of weeks. Sorry I couldn’t do it for you tonight but… I can cry like Roger; it’s just a shame I can’t play like him.”

Federer customarily brilliant in dropping Murray for Aussie title [SI]

Yes, we found this news more surprising than Andre Miller’s 52-point explosion against the Mavericks, Gonzaga losing at lowly San Francisco, and Roger Federer blowing past Andy Murray to capture the Australian Open men’s title.

Roger Federer cruises by Tsonga, reaches the Australian Open final. He play Andy Murray. (BBC Sport)

“He can’t play quarterback in the NFL, I’m convinced of it,” ESPN’s Todd McShay said of Tim Tebow. Don’t worry, Todd – Tim’s a good Christian, he forgives you for hammering him all week. (Boston Globe)

But Tony Sparano, the Dolphins coach, really likes Tebow. (Palm Beach Post)

Suns snap an 18-game losing streak on TNT with huge 4th quarter rally to beat Dallas; they did it with Amare on the bench. (Arizona Republic)

Mark Sanchez will be rehabbing both knees this offseason. Not exactly what you want to hear following such a promising season. (NY Post)

On Oden: “The conversation shouldn’t be about Oden’s sexting. It should be about how classless some of us can be.” (ESPN)

Surprised that Stephon Marbury’s move to China is garnering this much ink. (Wall Street Journal)

South Florida 76, Seton Hall 74. Enjoy the NIT, Pirates. (Tampa Trib)

Examining the story behind Mike Woodson shaving his eyebrows. (AJC)

Virginia Tech, making a run at the NCAA tournament, topples ACC-leading UVa. in Charlottesville, 76-71. (WP)

What was different tonight, Hedo? “Ball.” Followed by … nothing but awkward silence. (via HP)

Poor chicken.

Oops.

Matt Barnes would totally destroy Paul Pierce. As for the game, we were thrilled with Boston’s late collapse. JJ Redick hits an deep three. Kevin Garnett showed his age and gimpy knee as Rashard Lewis blows by him for a layup. And Rasheed Wallace airballed a shot at the buzzer. [Sentinel]

Cheryl Cole … trucker watching porn on computer kills motorist … if, during a job hunt, anyone tries this, let us know how it works … guy who busted ACORN gets busted himself … here’s a nice anti-tax rant from Phil Knight … John Edwards and his wife are done … America’s most over and under valued cities … the gap widens - when we will see America’s stats on this? … the spectacular fall of Stephanie Seymour’s ex-husband … a Republican sent in this cartoon …

Because Colt McCoy couldn’t return against Alabama in the title game he maybe slipped a round or two in the draft? (Morning News)

BYU’s 15-game winning streak ends at New Mexico, 76-72. [SL Trib]

A plea for Brett Favre to play one more year. [Star Trib]

Here’s Rick Fox’s sister. [Jeanene Fox]

If you hadn’t heard, Evan Turner is the man. [SI]

Yankees win. Boras loses. Disagree that losing Johnny Damon hurts New York. [Post]

Australian Open women’s final is set: Serena Williams vs. Justine Henin. (Mirror)

Brother shoots brother over who gets to use the bathroom first. [Terrible]

Scroll down a bit: Jeremy Piven and January Jones enjoyed time in New Orleans for the Saints-Vikings game. [Sun-Times]

“The Spartans went to San Antonio preaching that they had purged from their roster those who didn’t appreciate the special privilege of representing a fine university in a bowl game. And now, according to the prosecutor, one of the more serious aggressors was in the starting lineup against Texas Tech.” [Freep]

Temple falls to Charlotte, providing further proof that the A-10 is a solid 4-bid league. [Inquirer]

Danica Patrick will be making a guest appearance on CSI in a couple weeks. (Hotties in Cleats)

“Dear Paul Shirley, I only wish your father had taken your own advice and worn a condom. Go to hell.” [The Nation]

Big fan of Boeheim. [via Hot Clicks]

About two weeks old. Still resonates.

On the second viewing, watch the guy on the bridge become paralyzed in fear.

The Richard Jefferson acquisition hasn’t panned out. So the Spurs may want Amare Stoudemire. (Woj)

John Canzano reaches out to the “slimeball” who posted the nude photos of Greg Oden. (Oregonian)

“Fiesta Bowl fails to release info in campaign-contribution probe.” Hmmm. What do they have to hide? (Arizona Republic)

Jimmy Rollins got married in the Cayman Islands. (Philly Daily News)

On College Hoops dynasties. (SI)

Southern California school board has pulled the dictionary because a parent complained it had an entry for “oral sex.” (Press Enterprise)

A week left until the WVU basketball team adds a 6-foot-9 monster from Turkey. (Fox Sports)

After rolling in the first set, Venus Williams is ousted from the Australian Open by 16th-seeded Li Na. (AP)

If hardcore NBA stats are your thing, you might enjoy this. (Hardwood Paroxysm)

Because you need more Amare in your diet: Trade bait calls ESPN’s Chad Ford a “liar.” (Arizona Republic)

Three months into the pay-to-read Newsday experiment, 35 people had signed up. The project cost about $4 million. (Observer)

The Cubs add Xavier Nady to their outfield. (MLB.com)

Joey Porter’s days in Miami appear over. (Herald)

Andy Roddick lost in five sets to Marin Cilic in the Australian Open quartersfinals. Roddick’s shoulder gave him problems in the match. (NYT)

Aerosmith needs a new frontman. The leader has to be Rainn Wilson. (Toronto Sun)

For reasons that remain unknown, Atlanta Hawks coach Mike Woodson shaved his eyebrows last night. (Photo)

Syracuse recovers from 14-0 deficit, blitzes Georgetown, 73-56. (Post-Standard)

Rafael Nadal, whose knee was clearly bothering him, retired due to injury in the third set against Andy Murray. Nadal’s mobility was significantly cut down due to the gimpy knee. (Guardian)

The Hornets dealt Devin Brown to the Bulls … meaning more PT for Marcus Thornton? (But the Game is On)

Baseball apologist Peter Gammons – fans don’t care to know about steroids. (Sports Brooks)

The Yankees and their WAGs went to the Bahamas. (Page 6)

Plenty of stars in the Super Bowl weren’t highly recruited out of high school. (ESPN Insider)

We’ll be addressing Rex Ryan and his ’swagger’ later. (NY Post)

About 2,000 tourists are stranded on Machu Picchu. We were there last year! Won’t make a habit of posting photos like that here. We know you don’t care. (BBC)

Hardy har har.

John Feinstein calls tennis a “niche” sport. Our four tennis fans should pounce in anger. (Feinstein on the Brink)

Mark Sanchez is into Broadway shows! Also, here are photos of him growing up. Just Sanchise, baby. (NY Post)

Cool video of Ohio State’s Evan Turner going back to his Chicago roots. (Plain Dealer)

So when are the Memphis Grizzlies getting sold? (Forbes)

The calendar hasn’t turned to February and Duke is losing games it should win. NC State 88, Duke 74. (N & O)

Good profile in the newest SI on Kevin Durant. (Read this)

Ana Ivanovic, perhaps the hottest tennis player, has been knocked out of the Australian Open. (Times Online)

Baseball players can sing. (Monozygotic)

Memphis lost to a Conference USA foe for the first time since 2006: UTEP 72, Tigers 67. (Commercial Appeal)

Joel Piniero, the definition of a mediocre starting pitcher, signed a 2-year, $16 million deal with the Angels. (LA Times)

Idiot calls police to complain about the hooker he got last night; they both got arrested. (Union Leader)

This Jets-Democrats comparison cut deep. (Vanity Fair)

Unscientific poll: John Wall has a huge lead over Damion James and Evan Turner in the college basketball POY race. (Ann Arbor.com)

Cute figure skater Sasha Cohen made a triumphant return to the ice last night. (NYT)

Hoophall Classic: Amazing Austin Rivers dunks

The son of NBA coach Doc Rivers with two pretty sweet dunks.

Not entirely sure what this is.

Wait for the pool of blood.