Drew Sharp of Detroit Free Press is a troll. I don’t say that lightly. Going back through the archives, it’s pretty clear that he makes his bones saying dumb things. I mean, he once wrote an article suggesting only Oprah could save Mike Vick. Two years ago, he proposed that the Lions trade Calvin Johnson because they weren’t going to be good for a long time. Not to be outdone by himself, he followed up this offseason with an article about how the Lions shouldn’t pay Calvin Johnson, citing among other things the interchangeability of wide receivers, and Demaryius Thomas filling Johnson’s void at Georgia Tech. So, he’s good, and by that I mean bad, but good when the metric is page views.
By that measure, then, Sharp is on a hot streak of epic proportions. We featured him just a few weeks ago with his column on Calipari. Yesterday, he chimed in on the string of marijuana arrests featuring Detroit area athletes, from Mikel LeShoure to Derrick Nix to Nick Fairley.
Sharp could have pointed out that those were poor decisions, and left it at that. No one would be talking about Drew Sharp today, though. So, of course, he suggests that the Lions release LeShoure and Fairley for their marijuana possession citations.
Ridiculous. I mean, you’re going to let these gentlemen off that easy? Drew Sharp is soft on crime.
I say public execution is required. I’m talking like Salem Witch Trial stuff. I don’t want any due process here. That stuff costs money, and I don’t think the taxpayers should be burdened because of these criminals. It’s also not fair to the Detroit Lions organization to drag this out. If the executions are not resolved by April 26th, they won’t know whether to address it in the draft. Drew Sharp’s solution leaves Detroit with some nasty cap penalties one year into each of these player’s careers. I haven’t read all the fine print but I’m pretty sure public cremation relieves the team of future cap penalties. They would then be free to trade Calvin Johnson and sign fifty replacement players with the money they’ve freed up with all these moves.
I plan on writing several reasonable pieces later this month, so I need to build up a little page view capital here today. Sorry, Mikel LeShoure and Nick Fairley, but those are the breaks. Perhaps you should have thought about that before you smoked the marijuana.
So dear readers, make sure you tell everyone how ridiculous and absurd I am, how Drew Sharp is the voice of reason on this issue, and if you could be so kind, please also make sure you spell my name right. It’s L-I-S-K. There is no P. Oh, and when you rant about my story while writing that blog in your mother’s basement, whatever you do, don’t accidentally link to a story about a 101-year old woman returning home instead. That kind of defeats the point of my trolling.