WrestleMania XXIX is Upon Us
By Tim Ryan
Of all the times my father took me to wrestling events a young kid — a kid who was convinced that Miss Elizabeth’s name was in fact, Miss Elizabeth — it was always at smaller venues like Madison Square Garden and the old Spectrum. So tonight will be quite a different experience due to the outdoor element, the sheer number of people in attendance, and most importantly the fact that I no longer play with wrestling figures. Though truth be told, I will be wearing a wrestling figure in my jacket pocket in lieu of a pocket square.
The highly anticipated event is of course headlined by The Rock and John Cena, but my true interest lies with The Undertaker and CM Punk, with the most storied streak in the history of sports on the line. No, I’m absolutely not talking about the ’72 Lakers or the ’72 Dolphins but rather the undead Adonis and his staunch refusal to lose at WrestleMania, as evidenced by his 20-0 record. Considering the man can turn out the lights in any vibrantly lit building at a moment’s notice, I’m making the safe assumption that the streak continues and dedicates the win to the late, great Paul Bearer. Or simply summons his former manager back to life. Either one, really.
Here’s a list of the rest of the slate:
Wade Barrett vs. The Miz
The Rock vs. John Cena
Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger
The Undertaker vs. CM Punk
Sheamus, Randy Orton, and Big Show vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns)
Ryback vs. Mark Henry
Kane and Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston
Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) vs. Triple H (with Shawn Michaels) WARNING: If Triple H loses, he must retire!!!
Chris Jericho vs. Fandango
Tons of Funk (Brodus Clay and Tensai) and The Funkadactyls (Cameron and Naomi) vs. Team Rhodes Scholars (Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow) and The Bella Twins (Brie and Nikki)
That last one rolls off the tongue with such eloquence.
I’ll be at MetLife Stadium tweeting from the event all night and should something warrant a post, I shall ensure of its prompt delivery. Enjoy. Or go watch Mad Men or Game of Thrones.