Pigsplosion Week 9: Revenge of the Pigsplosion

You know what a wise man named Meatloaf once said.

You can see Paradise by the Dashboard Lights. Welcome to Paradise.

Last Week:
Stephen: 6-6
JKL: 5-7

Overall:
Stephen: 43-39-3
JKL: 33-49-3 (season being picked under protest)

Falcons (+7.5) @ Panthers
CRM: Tony Gonzalez’s second annual retirement tour is not going quite as well. (Falcons)

JKL: This matchup almost caused me to look up the NASCAR standings. Almost. (Panthers)

Vikings (+10.5) @ Cowboys
CRM: Dez Bryant went to a Halloween dressed as Tony Romo. Many mixed feelings were had by all. (Cowboys)

JKL: The biggest thing I took away from the Dez Bryant drama last week was that Derek Dooley has a job. (Vikings)

Saints (-6) @ Jets
CRM: When does Mark Sanchez come back? We need him back in our lives. Geno Smith’s failures are not nearly as entertaining. (Saints)

JKL: The Jets have alternated wins and losses this year. I’m picking the Jets to cover, but I’m pretty sure they don’t have a magic “alternating crap with lucky performances where the opponent commits a personal foul” pill. (Jets)

Titans (-3) @ Rams
CRM: You might not be excited for this game, but the good news is it is unlikely to end on a safety in overtime. (Titans)

JKL: If your fall back option is “former Jets quarterback”, then you are probably in trouble. (Titans)

Chiefs (-3.5) @ Bills
CRM: The Chiefs have to lose at some point. Be it Sunday or at home in the playoffs. Or both. Definitely the second one though. (Bills)

JKL: Your skepticism is unwarranted. Kansas City has played Jason Campbell, Case Keenum, Terrelle Pryor, and Ryan Fitzpatrick, and now whoever Buffalo rolls out. Seems like a good way to prep for Peyton Manning.

Chargers (-1) @ Redskins
CRM: At least that bye week kept the Redskins from being tied with the Giants. (Chargers)

JKL: Danny Woodhead recently became a father to another gritty, sneakily athletic child. (Redskins)

Eagles (+3) @ Raiders
CRM: They could save so much money if the Eagles just played the Redskins and the Chargers played the Raiders. Seems like poor planning. (Eagles)

JKL: Chip Kelly’s offense has revolutionized the NFL. Matt Barkley has anarchized the Chip Kelly offense. (Eagles)

Buccaneers (+17) @ Seahawks
CRM: Seahawks at home against (doesn’t bother looking up which Glennon) and the 0-7 Bucs? (Seahawks)

JKL: Everyone is being so unfair to Greg Schiano, including the NFL for scheduling this game. (Buccaneers)

Ravens (-3) @ Browns
CRM: Winner gets their 4th win of the season. Lots riding on this game. (Browns)

JKL: Cleveland leads the league in these type of articles. This is why you can’t have nice things. (Ravens)

Steelers (+7) @ Patriots
CRM: Roethlisberger and Brady should just play catch for 60 minutes. (Patriots)

JKL: But who would get blamed for all the drops? (Steelers)

Colts (-2.5) @ Texans
CRM: Only two teams have worse point differentials than the Texans. (Colts)

JKL: When I signed up to do this, it specifically said I was the only one allowed to use the phrase “point differentials.” You, sir, are out of order. (Colts)

Bears (+11) @ Packers
CRM: Another horrible Monday Night Football game. They should just do away with these. (Bears)

JKL: Aaron Rodgers just threw one right past your ear for that comment. Kind of surprised this is the 5th highest spread with the Packers favored over the Bears since 1978 (Bears)