Some Idiot Voted For Armando Benitez, So Here's Your Attention, Assclown
By Tim Ryan
The purpose of the baseball Hall of Fame is to celebrate some of the games greatest players to ever grace the diamond. Though some might argue that this yearly exercise is really done to allow members of the BBWAA to gallop across countless mediums atop well-groomed high horses in the interest of spreading what is right and what is wrong in the complicated world of baseball, and more specifically, who is right and who is wrong.
Barry Bonds is a very, very bad man. Craig Biggio, very, very good man. It’s a sanctimonious shitshow of grand proportions, causing less and less people to even remotely care with each passing year.
Along with that belated stocking stuffer come the one or two writers who vote for players like Dante Bichette out of some bizarre combination of attracting worthless attention and honoring said player’s affable locker room demeanor. It’s a completely reasonable thought process.
This year, that guy is Armando Benitez, a player most famous for beaning Tino Martinez in the back with a 96 mph fastball and subsequently getting chased by a flailing flamingo named Graeme Lloyd, and eventually getting clocked on the dugout steps by an unhinged Daryl Strawberry. There should definitely be an award for this, I’m just not sure it’s the Hall of Fame.
Someone also voted for Richie Sexson. Probably because he was an unusually tall player that looked funny standing over the catcher.
You can embrace the full mess right here.
On a much more uplifting note, the Baseball Writers’ Association of America can at least hang its hat on the continued intrepid design of the BBWAA website. An industry rattling achievement, to say the least:
My favorite part is the pen resting on the pad. So impactful and so tone-setting without saying anything at all.
Previously: Frank Thomas Couldn’t Be A Happier Hall of Famer
Previously: 2014 Baseball Hall of Fame Class: Maddux, Glavine & Frank Thomas Elected