Reasonable Lobbyist Preparing Bill to Ban Gays From the NFL
By Tim Ryan
Washington Lobbyist Jack Burkman, seemingly in pursuit of the worst kind of PR possible, announced today he is concocting a bill that would ban gay athletes from the NFL, and claims to have garnered political support for the bill. Though to be honest, outside of the Westboro Baptist Church, it’s difficult to see anyone rushing to rally behind this one.
“We are losing our decency as a nation. Imagine your son being forced to shower with a gay man. That’s a horrifying prospect for every mom in the country. What in the world has this nation come to? If the NFL has no morals and no values, then Congress must find values for it.”
Burkman’s idea of a postgame shower apparently involves a mandatory slow dance set to seductive sounds of nature.
Considering his checkered history — D.C. Madam’s list, for starters — I fully expect this valiant crusade to last slightly longer than your typical Glass Joe TKO, and for Burkman to announce he has Michael Sam going 25th on his big board no later than Friday.
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[h/t The Hill, Extra Mustard]