Roundup: Kanye West Salami; New Art From Calivin & Hobbes Creator; See ya February!

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Samantha Hoopes, an SI swimsuit rookie. …. Connecticut substitute teacher arrested for “lewd act” under stairwell says he was fixing his pants. … Calvin and Hobbes creator Bill Watterson drew the poster for an upcoming movie on newspaper comics. … Cracks in concourse force closure of $60-million high school football stadium in Texas. … Hey look, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man showed up in on Wilshire Blvd.to pay tribute to Harold Ramis. … 27-year-old Washington man arrested for 26th driving offense. … What do you think MJ is reading here? … California couple finds $10 million worth of rare coins buried in can on property.  … This British teenager’s addiction to ketchup is repulsing. … Meanwhile, Rochester “Garbage Plate”: get in my belly. … Key and Peele are going to be in FX’s tv adapation of Fargo. … A Russian spy ship docked in Havana Wednesday, no explanations given. … LinkedIn remains the worst. … It wouldn’t be a roundup without some rousing Bitcoin chatter.  … If you care, here’s the roster Jurgen Klinsmann picked for next week’s friendly in Ukraine. … As if you needed any further proof that not everybody in finance/business is a genius. … This f’n face. … Birthday Hayden Fry (85); Mario Andretti (74); Ricky ‘The Dragon’ Steamboat (61); Iron Mike Tenay (60); Gilbert Gotfried (59); John Tuturro (57); Rae Dawn Chong (53); Norman Smiley (49); Eric Lindros (41); Tayshaun Prince (34). … Enjoy the weekend, and have some fun. Try something new, if the mood strikes!

Hong Kong lawmaker Alberto Ho caught creeping on tablet porn during session. [HyperVocal]

Chris Bosh talking about banning all slurs during NBA games is worth checking out. [True Hoop]

Terrific, deep discussion on one of the 90s best films, American Movie. [The Dissolve]

This exploration into the time signature in The Terminator theme music is very interesting, a different type of read for sure. [Slate]

Nice use of animation and spoken word poetry here by Raliq Bashard. [Fox Sports]

Has the Sloan Conference out-grown its original its original purpose? [Boston Magazine]

“The Guy Who Wants to Sell Lab-Grown Salami Made of Kanye West Is “100% Serious” [Motherboard]

The University of North Carolina would likely prefer if you didn’t read this story. [Business Week]

Would you want to take a blood test that can predict within how many years you’ll die? [Telegraph]

Jason Giambi’s beard is the definition of “grizzled veteran.” [Sports on Earth]

Pharrell Williams is finally happy. Bully for him! (Grindin‘ is still the best track ever.)  [GQ]

I thought this was a unique column from an Australian newspaper about Zack Greinke for his “zero interest” comments about playing a game Down Under. [SMH]

28 Rules for a Great Oscar Party … is this funny, gang? (The Oscars aren’t my bag and I’m still bitter Battleship did’t get any nominations last year.) [WSJ]

Sandra Bullock is making all sorts of money off Gravity. [Grantland]

“The British Porn Star Who Swapped Lesbian Scenes for the Lord.” [Vice]

74,476 Reasons You Should Always Get The Bigger Pizza. [Planet Money]

Although the author of this post didn’t seek out my input (cough cough), I’ll still link to this list of the 69 funniest movies ever because it’s the most enjoyable thing you’ll read all day (and weekend). [TVMWW]

This is what it looks like to spend $15,000 on one Lego piece.

David Byrne covering Biz Markie while wearing overalls.

40 years of cell phones in under 90 seconds.

Idiotsitter … A web series featuring Jillian from Workaholics and some other familiar faces. Give it a shot.

Trill Collins.

(A bonus Sam Hoopes gallery and a NSFW-ish link to her SI.com page.)