MLB Opening Day: 10 Kneejerk Reactions and Surefire Predictions

Baseball is a long, grueling, seemingly endless season and yet, every year without fail, everyone likes to pretend briefly that Opening Day is a big deal and some sort of harbinger for what’s to come over the next 161 games. If you do something special on Opening Day it gets remembered. If you do the same thing on April 14th, it gets lost in the never-ending ether of baseball and the Internet. Anyways, here are 10, quick, knee-jerk thoughts from Opening Day to file away.

1. Nobody is going to finish 162-0: I know, I know. This could be the year it happens, but alas, methinks somebody is going to lose a game eventually. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

2. Johnny Cueto is going to be a rich man: Cueto is a free agent after 2015. Unless the Reds defy expectations, the righty will be traded at some point — likely after the Great American Ballpark hosts the All Star Game. Cueto doesn’t seem to get his due as a legitimate No. 1 ace pitcher, but he comes into 20145 with four-straight sub-3.00 ERA seasons. Monday vs. the Pirates he struck out 10 over seven scoreless innings in a no decision. If there’s a red flag, Cueto threw 243 innings in 2014 — something a contender might want to consider before giving away the farm to acquire him in late July. Cueto is going to demand over $20 million per season on the open market because …

3. Rick Porcello is rich: Throwing a ball overhand for six months without developing arm trouble might be the most-valuable asset in all of sports. Consider Rick Porcello, whom the Red Sox gave a four-year deal worth $82.5 million. This, to a guy, who in six years in the Majors has only posted an ERA+ over 100 (the league average) twice. However Porcello, a sinkerballer, is valuable since he’s made 30+ starts in four of those six seasons. Boston is taking a risk that Porcello will be a workhorse in the rotation and won’t be paying $20 million a season to a guy on the shelve with a ligament tear. The former Tiger is only 26, too, something to consider.

In short have arm, will travel, which leads us to …

4. Let’s give Bartolo Colon some respect: I get it. Bartolo Colon’s rotund figure is atypical of most professional athletes. Fat shaming professional athletes is an easy #LOL. I’ve done it — although Colon kind of asked for it by jiggling his gut himself. Colon’s not some scrub. He’s won a Cy Young and pitched 17 seasons — no small accomplishment. Monday, he got the win for the Mets over Max Scherzer in the former Tiger’s Nationals debut in Washington. (Scherzer struck out eight and allowed three unearned runs to take the loss.) Here’s to you, Bartolo … not that I’d imagine you give one single thought to all the online haters — a good attitude to adopt in this world we live in.

5. David Price is going to make Porcello look like a pauper: Price carried a shutout for 8 2/3 innings vs. the Twins Monday in Detroit. Joe Nathan struck out Torii Hunter on a check swing which Joe West deemed a strike without consulting his first base ump. Price, a free agent after the season, is going to be able to name his price on the open market. Price will turn 30 in late August and signing older players to big-money deals is increasingly risky i.e. Justin Verlander, but some team is going to give the lefty ace a lot of cash. If it were me, I’d offer Price something like $100 million for three years and see if he says no, but Price will probably want 6-7 years minimum — which is a risk for the team in the long term. In the short term, every fifth day when Price pitches the Tigers will look like a World Series contender, so long as J.D. Martinez continues to hit like a young Magglio Ordonez.

6. The Yankees might actually finish in last place: New Yorkers? Overreacting? After one game? Surely you jest. Sarcasm aside, Masohiro Tanaka gave up four earned runs in four innings to the Blue Jays. Concerns over whether or not his UCL will hold up without Tommy John surgery will fly hot and fresh on sports talk radio from people (i.e. fans, writers and honors) without the faintest knowledge of human kinesiology or anatomy. At least A-Rod had a nice debut back where he belongs in the Bronx. Lost in the all Yankees wailing is Toronto starter Drew Hutchison gave up one run — a solo shot to Brett Gardner — over six innings.

7. The Giants even/odd year thing might be real: Madison Bumgarner (sans Blue Ox) pitched San Francisco to a win over the Diamondbacks Monday night. That’s the good news for the Giants. The bad news, both Matt Cain and Jake Peavy are both going to miss starts this week, thinning out the rotation. On the other side of the Bay, Oakland’s Sonny Gray took a no-hitter into the eighth against the Rangers, who could end up the worst team in the American League due to an utter lack of viable starting pitching.

8. The Brewers should sign Bud Selig to pitch: For one day the Commissioner emeritus threw better than Kyle Lohse. Milwaukee’s Opening Day starter got shelled for eight runs over 3 1/3 by the Rockies — Nolan Arendo missed the cycle by a single — while Selig didn’t toss that bad of a first pitch … considering he’s 80 years old.

9. Jimmy Rollins will have a “big” impact with the Dodgers: At the end of the year, Rollins numbers will look okay but figure he’ll contribute a few dramatic moments, such as his game-winning homer in the eighth inning against the Padres that propelled the $240 million Dodgers to an Opening Day win.

10. So far, so good for Seattle: More often than not, it feels like buzz teams, regardless of the sport, are predestined to fizzle. Seattle is a team many think can make the World Series this season. Mike Trout’s leadoff homer off Felix Hernandez aside, the Mariners are off to a perfect start, for one day at least.

Only 161 more to go!

[This may or may not have counted as Yardwork. Photos via Getty Images]