Analysis: How Many Weekends Could Tony Romo and Eli Manning Actually Watch the NFL Ticket?

DirecTV is flooding the zone with ads for its NFL Sunday Ticket, because, by September we all must bow and submit at the altar of Roger Goodell. We are powerless in the face of the pigskin. Pass the guac.

Eli Manning telling intentionally terrible mother-in-law jokes and Tony Romo’s wannabe Bob Ross impression were funny, I guess, the first one or two times. By the time you’ve seen the ads 471 times by Week 3 of the NFL season, they are decidedly less amusing.

A thought occurred to me the very first time I watched Romo’s alter ego talk about baking hybrid cupcakes: wouldn’t NFL quarterbacks actually be the worst possible choice to endorse the Sunday Ticket? Most Sundays during the season they’re a little busy, you know, actually playing football.

Although I probably have more experience watching 12 football games at once, while simultaneously stuffing my face with buffalo chicken dip than either Romo or Manning, I’ll accept using my sad mug to hawk a product wouldn’t be quite as effective as two starting quarterbacks for two of the most popular teams in the sport.

Given that the NFL is set on dominating your entire life week, how often could Romo and Manning conceivably throw a party in their respective rumpus rooms to watch football with various salted snacks outside of their one scheduled bye week?

Let’s work under the premise that it would be nigh impossible for an NFL quarterback to attend a party for either a 1 p.m. or 4:25 p.m. kickoff on Sunday if he plays that day. How well do the 2015 Cowboys and Giants schedule accommodate the scenarios presented by DirecTV? Let’s break it down:

Tony Romo: 

• Five 1 p.m. kickoffs
• Five 4:25 kickoffs.
• Three 8:30 Sunday night kickoffs
• Thanksgiving Game
• One Saturday Night Game
• One Monday Night Game

Post-Thanksgiving and the weeks the Cowboys play on Saturday/Monday, yeah, Romo could throw a party and watch the Ticket all day. Could he do that for the Sunday night games? Maybe for a little bit during the 1 p.m. window, but I’d imagine he’d spend most of the day at the Stadium. Only one of the Sunday Night games is on the road, too.

Eli Manning:

• Eight 1 p.m. kickoffs
• Three 4:05/4:25 kickoffs
• Two 8:30 Sunday night kickoffs
• One Thursday night game
• Two Monday night games

Eli could definitely hang out and make silly faces on the couch after the Giants Thursday night game in Week 3. The first Giants Sunday night game is at Dallas, so that rules out Week 1. The Giants two Monday Night games are on the road, although the first one is in Philly against the Eagles, so Eli’s Sunday might afford some time for wings with his pals.

Based on this very important analysis, yeah, both Romo and Manning could watch the Sunday Ticket a couple times a year, in addition to their one bye week Sunday. This is likely only possible since they play for the Cowboys and Giants — two teams that broadcasters clamor to put in primetime as much as possible.

Good thing DirecTV didn’t use Jaguars starter Blake Bortles, since Jacksonville’s only night game is its annual Thursday Night showcase vs. the Titans on Nov. 19.