NFL Podium Fashion: Kirk Cousins as Will Ferrell and Jay Cutler's Swag

One of the most convenient platforms for an NFL player to expand that all-important personal brand is at the postgame podium, where answering bland questions can also double as an opportunity to showcase their fashion sensibilities and personality to millions of fans and #brands across the globe.

Sometimes the ensemble works. Sometimes it does not. And sometimes, well, possibly farting can create a quick star turn.

These are their stories.

Kirk Cousins

While I appreciate Kirk’s spirit in wearing team colors — and while it is a nicely tailored jacket — the first thing I thought of when I saw this was “movie usher.” Then I thought, Will Ferrell as an L.A. Lakers ticket usher. And then I thought, don’t wear this again. Listen to Will, Kirk. He’s sternly summoning you.

Jay Cutler

Welcome back, Jay! While Jimmy Clausen’s expressiveness did its duty last week, nothing quite compares to your presence at the podium. Sporting a stylish black leather jacket and a black hoody would’ve been enough to earn an A+. But flashing an expression that says: “C’mon, pal. You know I’m Jay Cutler and you’re not,” pretty much wins the show.

Tyrod Taylor

After a strange showing in Week 1, Tyrod Taylor put out the fire and took full advantage of Tom Brady’s BYE week by stealing his AFC East thunder.

Pierre Garçon

Pierre Garçon wore a t-shirt advertising a freakin’ pizza joint he recently invested in. That’s like Peyton Manning brining Papa John to the podium. A colossal fashion fail for sure. #PromoteYourBrand

Colin Kaepernick

Dude, when you complete three passes — THREE! — that went 5-plus yards, you have zero right to stroll up to the podium as though you’ve already won 3 Super Bowls, 11 Grammys, and just wrote a hit play. This is an outrage. And yeah, you ain’t Russell Wilson, bro. You’re not even Wilson from Cast Away.

Sam Bradford

No, this is not from yesterday. But yes, this is Sam Bradford at a podium. It’s significant because this was more than likely the last time this dude was “happy” while stationed at a podium. Going back to this look could be the key to Philly turning its season around.

Cam Newton

Another incredibly sharp outfit, another incredibly disturbing O-Face. Special thanks to the cameraman for the closeup so we don’t have to find out whether or not Cam is wearing live cheetahs as shoes.

Houston Texans QB

Listen, if the Houston Texans insist on always have a starting QB that can be best described as “well, he’s really more of a decent backup than he is a starter,” then I’m afraid mockery like this will happen on occasion.

Philip Rivers

Philip Rivers gazing over the hills and far away, imagining this is probably the outfit he’ll wear for the cover of his eventual solo album. Good lord. As bad and “dad” as this is, I hope the guy never changes a thing.

Justin Tucker

*UPSET ALERT* No Joe Flacco this week because Justin Tucker’s perfectly parted hair dreams of one day starring in a 1960s sitcom. I strongly believe it will.

Matt Hasselbeck

This is our first attempt of the season where a grizzled, old school veteran has gone all out in looking exactly like a grizzled, old school veteran. But Hasselbeck has earned the right to do what he wants, especially after that QB keeper to help get Indy in field goal range.

Ryan Fitzpatrick

Take a hard look at the beard that continues to live freely on Ryan Fitzpatrick’s face. That sucker could sweep the floor of a high school cafeteria in about five minutes and would likely receive raises on a weekly basis. What I find disheartening is the lack of effort in attire. The Andrew Luck “I’ve never cared” look appears to gaining steam.

Peyton Manning

Well this was a little shocking. Sorry, but it had to be done. Blame Pierre and only Pierre.

Josh McCown

McCown played a hell of a game against San Diego but the Browns ended up losing in heartbreaking fashion. Of course they did. Because of that, I’ll go easy here and just mention that I never realized the Browns QB was a Jonathan Papelbon disciple.

Larry Fitzgerald

Larry clearly took last week’s installment to heart, because this week his tie knot looks far more adult and much less 7th grade dance. Expertly done, fine sir. And thanks for reading.

Nick Foles

This was Nick last Monday afternoon, not yesterday. But he looks like this every day. The vacant-looking fella could either be attending a funeral or an orgy, and no one would ever know the difference. Basically, Nick Foles appears to be trapped in the awkward stages of puberty forever.

Joe Philbin

Is Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin actually with us? I mean, sure, he’s technically there. But is he really there? I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to learn that he shares a zombie cave with Joe Flacco in the offseason.

Jason Garrett

Dead eyes for days to go along with some forehead sweat. Not a good look, Jason. Maybe take a moment or two before meeting with the media next time? You know, collect yourself. In the mean time, please have someone on your staff incessantly remind you that pills are gooooooooood.

Rex Ryan

Rex Ryan is here solely because he’s obviously in mid-curse. As he should be. Cheers, big fella.

Where Was Tom Brady?

Sir Thomas was watching Sunday Night Football, just like everyone else. Smart post to convey the falsehood that he’s just a regular guy. However, if those aren’t Uggs, they’re gonna be pret-tay, pret-tay, pret-tay pissed.

DOUBLE BONUS

This photo of Jay Cutler equipped with 29 microphones serving as extra protective padding was just too much to pass up.

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It would be somewhat safe to conclude that Ryan Fitzpatrick’s press conference lacked a little sizzle. And as Kramer always said, you don’t sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.

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