If Jim Harbaugh is Donald Trump, Nick Saban Is Hillary Clinton
By Ty Duffy
Hillary Clinton [Nick Saban] Favorite by default, but very little fun. Embrace of what the young kids are doing feels awkward. Will deploy more charming spouse when required.
Marco Rubio [Dabo Swinney] The candidate of hope and positivity. Sticks to the script. Always ready with the canned soundbite. Unnerving steel when you scratch the surface.
Ted Cruz [Todd Graham] Texan who is not very well liked within the profession. Unscrupulous ground game. Makes interesting fashion choices.
Jeb Bush [Will Muschamp] Florida tenure had its highs in lows. Failed miserably despite every advantage. Struggles to go on offense. Hoping for a resurrection in South Carolina.
John Kasich [Chris Petersen] Capable. Seems like an adult. But, hard to see him playing well outside of certain contexts, particularly in the South.
Bernie Sanders [Bill Snyder] Just an old dude far outperforming the metrics. Makes the most of limited toolset. Probably can’t win the natty. Big 12 blue bloods will be happy when he goes away.
Chris Christie [Bret Bielema] Large. Makes headlines with his loud mouth. How his track record is viewed is all in the framing. He’s still a little to B1G for SEC fans to trust.
Rand Paul [Dana Holgorsen] Representative of coal country. Has a few brilliant moments. Does none of the little things to win the campaign. Unruly hair.
Ben Carson [Butch Jones] The initial sales pitch is strong. Then he hires Mike DeBord and starts trying to explain things.
Scott Walker [Al Golden] Looked like a solid prospect. Clearly out of depth upon further inspection. Bowed out early. Clammy.
Rick Santorum [James Franklin] Pennsylvania native. Far more vibrant and relevant in 2012 (but still not that relevant).
Carly Fiorina [Lane Kiffin] Talks a good game. Indifferent performance at big-time job in California. Just the worst.
Martin O’Malley [Darrell Hazell] Short on funding. Utter failure by every available measure. Stuck around and scored a few points “in a losing effort.”
Jim Webb [Tim Beckman] Only notable when off-putting. Didn’t make it to the start of the season.
Not Running But We’re Going to Include Them Anyway
Joe Biden [Les Miles] A bit of a wild card. Not clear how much of goofiness is intentional.May not be competent, but you want to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Barack Obama [Urban Meyer] A lot of success. Some notable miscalculations. Would have beaten all these chumps, but could not get in the playoff.
Bill Clinton [Steve Spurrier] Can’t get back in the game. Desperately wants to. Master manipulator. Was a bit more fun in his pomp during the 1990s. No one more fun on a golf course after a few beverages.
Mitt Romney [Bob Stoops] Midwestern roots. Peaked in the mid-2000s. Everything works out on paper, but you can’t quite trust him not to cock things up.