The Blood-Alcohol Levels Recorded in Iowa Last Night Look Like Batting Averages

If you’re from the Midwest, you are familiar with the phenomenon author Chuck Klosterman calls, “Midwest Power Drinking,” which is the manner in which we Midwesterners eschew social drinking in favor of a drinking style that prioritizes near-constant swallowing.

This offers a window of insight into the University of Iowa police blotter from Saturday night, which contained a series of alleged blood-alcohol percentages that look more like batting averages.

"Clayton Sampson, 21, of Mason City, IA was arrested at Kinnick Stadium at 1953 hours for Public Intoxication. He stumbled while walking and almost fell. He had a .310 BAC."

There was a fateful high-five with a police officer.

"Tyler Gross, 23, of Merrill, MI was arrested at Kinnick Stadium at 1800 hours for Public Intoxication. He approached a police officer to give him a high 5 and the officer saw he was obviously intoxicated. After the officer told him he needed to behave, he disagreed with the officer. The officer gave him another chance to leave the stadium, and he continued to argue with the officer. He had a .23 BAC."

And a woman who thought she was in an entirely different city.

"Michelle Keys, 35, of Ankeny, IA was arrested at Kinnick Stadium at 1918 hours for Public Intoxication. She had slurred speech, spoke in incoherent sentences, and believed she was in Ames, IA at the Iowa State v. Arizona football game. She had a .225 BAC."

Having a BAC above .25 is considered alcohol poisoning. Coma and possible death can occur at .40.

Iowa beat No. 2 Michigan 14-13 on the last play of the game.