The Big Lead

50 Chris Berman Nicknames for Future NFL Stars He May Never Get to Use

By Kyle Koster

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Chris Berman will step down as host of ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown, NFL PrimeTime and Monday Night Countdown after the Super Bowl. He’ll stay in Bristol in a reduced role after serving as the network’s lead NFL studio host. The new plan calls for him to host PrimeTime twice a year — after the conference title games and Super Bowl.

This means most of the incoming NFL talent will never have the privilege of receiving a Chris Berman nickname. Because we are nothing if not thoughtful at The Big Lead, this injustice simply will not stand.

We took the liberty of creating some Bermanisms for some of the future stars. Some are good. Most are bad. But, it’s too late to take it backbackback.

  • Leonard Fournetteaboutit
  • “I Can See For” Myles Garrett
  • Jonathan “Lays the Woody” Allen
  • Jabrill “Don’t Pass The” Peppers
  • Reuben “On Rye” Foster
  • Jalen “Everybody” Hurts
  • Malachi “You, Me, And” Dupree
  • Brad “Cobra” Kaaya
  • Ben “Don’t Poke The” Boulware
  • DeShone “Der” Kizer
  • Chris “Early Bird Catches The” Wormley
  • Cordrea “Sherman” Tankersley
  • Desmond “Lion” King
  • Dalvin “Now He’s” Cook-“Ing”
  • Bo “Are You Going To” Scarborough “Fair”
  • Pat Elfein “The Shelf”
  • Vita Vea “Vici”
  • Malik “T.J.” Hooker
  • Raekwon McMillian “And Wife”
  • “Not So Tiny” Tim Williams
  • D’Onta “Hard Hat” Foreman
  • Derek Nnadi “Or Nice”
  • “Take Two Of” Teez Tabor
  • Baker “Half Dozen Points” Mayfield
  • Joe “Chex” Mixon
  • “Bad” JuJu Smith-Schuster
  • “Mitch Tribusky”
  • Carl “The Long Arm Of The” Lawson
  • Marshon Latti “Mary Tyler” Moore
  • T.J. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT
  • Chris “Fear Of” Godwin
  • Cooper “His” Kupp “Runneth Over”
  • Dan “Mister” Feeney
  • Tyrone “New England Clam” Crowder
  • Jordan “Whatchu Talkin’ About” Willis
  • Forrest “I Love” Lamp
  • Ryan “Don’t Call Me Barry” Switzer
  • “You Don’t” Zay Jones
  • KD “Was Shot Out Of A” Cannon
  • Scott “Marquess of” Quessenberry
  • Alec Eberle “Brothers”
  • DeShaun “Elementary, Dear” Watson
  • “The Outlaw” Josey Jewell
  • Chad “18” Wheeler
  • “Je T” Adoree’ Jackson
  • Jeremiah “He’s Not Yellow” Ledbetter
  • Da’Shawn “You’ve Got to” Hand “It to Him”
  • Psalm “23” Woolching
  • Bart “He’s a Problem for Defenses” Houston
  • Josh “A” Rosen “By Any Other Name”
  • Quincy “M.E.” Wilson

The possibilities really are endless. Let us know about notable omissions.