Game of Thrones: "The Dragon and The Wolf" Recap

Greyworm – Oh, hey buddy. Nice to see you. Just stand there. You got to enjoy one scene this season and that was really more than anyone needed. Unsullied pawns in great game.

Bronn – No one has a better grasp on the monetary motivations of men than Bronn. Have to say I was quite worried about him throughout this episode. You never know when Pod could turn rogue after a few drinks.

Dothraki – Run really fast past these motionless dudes. Good job.

The Hound – How did he end up in charge of the Wight? How often did he have to go below-deck and kick the crate? Then he had to walk down into the secret dragon dungeon and carry the whole thing up on his own? Why didn’t they let the donkey drag it in? The only explanation is that it looked cool and they were right.

“What’s in there?”
“Fuck off.”

THE MEETING
Good lord what a great scene. Every interaction was awesome. Every sideways glance. Every face. And watching it for the first time you had no idea who would live and who would die.

Dragon Arena – Was it built with public funds? Did the Targaryens threaten to take the dragons elsewhere?

The Heroes of Blackwater Bay
Pod and Tyrion and Bronn. Somebody print that t-shirt. “You can suck his magic cock later.” That too. It’s a shame Tyrion didn’t get to go have a drink. Tyrion has been wasted as a “fancy folk(s)” for the entire season.

Euron – He should have led this entire meeting. I’d kill to see Euron talk to Brienne. Or The Hound. Again, he should have been the one talking to everyone.

Jon Snow – Telling Cersei “This is serious” is a great way to prove your seriousness. Then telling the 100% truth is another way to prove seriousness. Jon Snow is the most honorable person ever.

Wight in King’s Landing – Great job by Jaime and The Mountain protecting their queen when the zombie charged her. Also, that was an expert demonstration by Jon Snow on the ways to kill a zombie. Billy Mays-level infomercial stuff.

Gendry – You back on a boat now or what?

Dany – Loves to make an entrance.

Aunt Dany and Nephew Jon – Awkward. Also, not the longest courtship. Even by Game of Thrones standards, they kind of rushed this relationship.

The Mountain – Poor guy doesn’t get to do anything these days. Just stares and gets threatened by his brother. Just another long-overdue family reunion. This season really was all about family. Reunions. Fighting. Having sex. Family stuff!

Cersei and Tyrion – This was a good scene! And maybe the last time we see these two together?

Cersei – So everything, from the pregnancy (fake?) to her demands (pointless?) to Euron leaving (I miss him already), it was all a plan.

Jaime – So where the hell is he going?

Theon – Redemption is a weird thing. Like how you have to get beat up until somebody tries to knee you in the spot where your penis used to be. And then you’re like “energy boost I don’t have one of those” and you can suddenly throw a headbutt. That fight was like the Mayweather – McGregor fight if Conor landed a lot more shots early. And knees, I guess. I mean, Alfie Allen did better against John Wick than nameless Iron Island guy. And isn’t it weird that they stole the knee to the crotch doesn’t hurt move from Beerfest?

Sansa – So many long cons. I wish I’d said something out loud, but I totally saw the twist coming. Even though they did a pretty bad job setting it up. It’s like the Dany – Jon falling in love. After a few episodes they just said “notice how they like each other!?” Not really. Sansa and Arya certainly looked like they were falling for Littlefinger’s tricks again. How long were they not? How long ago did Bran say, “Oh, btw, he’s actually bad.”

Arya – Didn’t get much to do this week, but she did strike the most satisfying blow of the season.

Littlefinger – What a satisfying twist. He gave Sansa the best advice at every single opportunity. That, combined with Sansa having a brother who can see the past really screwed him. The comedic performance that took place during this scene was up there with everything he did on The Wire. Also, I just realized it during a rewatch on Sunday that Littlefinger basically wears Slenderman’s jackets. RIP.

Cersei – She’s very crafty. Too crafty for her brother. Also, she bluffed and got called and she might be losing her mind.

Bran – Still so over everything.

R + L = J – If you just watched the show and didn’t read any books or pay any attention to the Internet, would that have been a big reveal? They’ve given all this information before, but not completely 100% spelled it out.

Gilly – Good thing that maester had written down that he performed a secret annulment between “9am – pooped (#8762) ” and “11am – pooped again (#8763).”

Aegon Targaryen – RIP Jon Snow for like the 12th time.

Tormund and Beric Dondarrion – What a way to go. Unless season 7B/8 begins they both burst their hands through the rubble and joke about how lucky they were that the dead walked over them and didn’t crush them. It’s just as believable as Bronn swimming Jaime to safety earlier this season. Besides, no one will remember this a year from now (*estimated). Seriously, hurry back. But also don’t because I don’t want this show to end. This was a really great season. Time issues aside.

Ice Dragon – Why are his wings so hole-y and wouldn’t that hurt his ability to fly? Is the Night King a Targaryen? Why do people look so funny riding dragons? I can’t believe they just hung out for 6+ seasons waiting for the dragons to get full-size.

The wait for the final final season of Game of Thrones will be as excruciating as trying to sit through the episodes knowing the best characters will probably start to die again. See you again in a year or so.