Suggested New Hobbies for Snitching Golf Fans Who Can No Longer Call in Rules Violations

Television viewers ratting out golfers for rules violations is truly a tradition unlike any other. And it will soon be a relic of the past.

That loud sound you hear is reasonable people everywhere breathing a sigh of relief that this incredibly lame pastime is being shelved. The softer sound you hear is one of exasperation from an army of rules enthusiasts who must now find something else to do with their weekends.

Since we’re in the business of helping people, here are a few humble suggestions for these now-listless polo shirt-clad narcs.

• Monitor any plate-sharing being done at local buffets
• Alert Major League clubs to possible sign-stealing
• Volunteer to check permit parking offenders at an office park
• Turn in HOV violators to transportation department with juridisction
• Pore over CD liners for any lyric errors
• Count items in grocery store express checkout lanes
• Stream Netflix series and reach out to producers with plot holes or discontinuity
• Loudly remind colleagues that the yellow line on the football field is not official
• Stake out the nearest putt-putt facility and monitor scorecard signings
• Quote-tweet awesome dunks with “but he traveled”

The assimilation may be difficult. It’s best to ween oneself off this behavior and slowly reduce the endorphin rush. Hopefully a combination of these activities will be useful.