The Big Lead

Best Soups for Throwing, Ranked

By Kyle Koster

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Cleveland Cavaliers guard J.R. Smith was suspended one game for throwing soup at assistant coach Damon Jones. The NBA remains the gold standard for soap operatic drama. The biggest question on everyone’s mind, of course, is what type of soup did Smith toss?

While we don’t yet know, it’s clear that some are better than others for tossing in anger. Here is an unscientific ranking, with the thicker varieties given the clear edge.

  1. Any chowder
  2. Pea
  3. Tomato
  4. Any cream of
  5. Gumbo
  6. Ramen
  7. Crab bisque
  8. Pepper pot
  9. French onion
  10. Hot and sour
  11. Minestrone
  12. Italian wedding
  13. Leek
  14. Egg drop
  15. Chicken Noodle
  16. Cabbage
  17. Carrot
  18. Lentil
  19. Mulligatawny
  20. Shark fin
  21. Pho
  22. Matzah ball
  23. Tortilla

A note on methodology: Heat, viscosity, level of resulting clean-up, and symbolism were taken into account. The Big Lead does not condone throwing hot liquid of any sort at another human being.