My Top 8 Thoughts On the Kansas City Royals and Porn

Listen, I’ve had some weird dreams and everything but I’ve never consciously or subconsciously connected the Kansas City Royals and pornography.

Yet here we are, and I have Royals GM Dayton Moore to thank. From The Athletic:

"“There’s scientific evidence of the harmful effects of what pornography does to the brain,” Moore said. “We know what the issues are with relationships. There’s been countless numbers of relationships that have been destroyed and families have been divided because of it. And it’s my experience, as a college coach and in my 25th year in professional baseball, in dealing with 16- to 25- year-olds my entire life, this is a major issue that exists.”"

Moore enjoyed his share of pornography in his twenties, he told The Athletic, but he’s made a full reversal, and he hopes to convince others to do the same.

I have exactly eight thoughts on that.

1. Moore Isn’t Saying Anything Controversial

Moore’s main point — that pornography is destructive. addictive and unnecessary — is difficult to argue against in the same way it is difficult to argue that alcohol is destructive, addictive and unnecessary.  There are those who suggest a causal relationship between pornography and sexual violence, but that doesn’t hold up to scrutiny and anyway Moore isn’t among them.

Though delivered in nebulous language, Moore’s point seems to be not that porn should be banned or anything, but that it is nonetheless poisonous and should be avoided if possible.

Which is why …

2. This reminds me of the Temperance movement

Around the turn of the last century a bunch of torqued off Midwestern housewives had it up to here with all the drinkin’ and started smashing up saloons with a hatchet, under the justification that liquor caused violence, infidelity and laziness, and was a great destroyer of the family.

You’ll recognize these as some the same reasons given for banning pornography, whenever that is suggested.

The lesson of the Temperance movement and the national prohibition that followed is that by yelling and screaming and wielding a hatchet, you can win a lot of friends and influence a lot of people, but when it comes to certain vices, well, people are going to do what they’re going to do.

Human ingenuity is undefeated.

3. It’s a weird thing for a boss to do

I get that Moore likes to care for his players on a holistic level, but this is a bit too holistic for my taste. Don’t get me wrong, I love holistic. It’s just that my idea of holistic stops somewhere short of my boss bringing up those habits with me.

I am unconvinced there is any sort of link between pornography habits and performance on the baseball field, or any other job for that matter. Unless your job is porn, in which case I imagine you’re expected to watch a lot of it so you can keep up with the latest trends.

4.  I’d love to have heard the Royals clubhouse after that meeting

As far as on-the-record quotes go, there is only one thing the Royals can really say about this, and they’re saying it. But there must have been some amazing material muttered under breath if not shouted across the room.

5. OK, so if Wade Boggs can drink 107 beers on a cross-country flight … 

You know what? Nevermind.

6. We asked for social activism, we got it

Well, not we. Not me. But we as in “the consumers and tastemakers of contemporary popular culture?” We demanded that sports teams take more activist roles when it comes to social issues in their communities.

So here you go. Here’s one.

No telling what the next one might be.

7. This is a great opportunity for the St. Louis Cardinals

If the Cardinals want to mess with the Royals — and I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t — they should come out as the free expression/free love team, have a popular local porn star throw out a first pitch.

The president has an ongoing scandal with a porn star. You can do stuff like this now.

8. Has a professional athlete’s career every been ruined by a pornography addiction?

Then there is Tiger Woods’ whole thing, which involved treatment for sex addiction and, years later, a drug addiction.

It’s possible this has happened a few times and the public never knew it because the porn addiction came in conjunction with a substance addiction, or it could be that athletic performance is simply one area of someone’s life that a porn addiction can’t affect.