Current NBA Jam Pairs, Ranked by Appeal

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It’s been a quarter century since NBA Jam, the perfect arcade game, made its debut. Sports and pop culture websites — like this one — are celebrating this month’s anniversary with myriad coverage ideas because, well, we’re not above that type of thing.

Let’s say, for instance, a blogger wanted to imagine what an updated version of the game would look like in terms of rosters — if he had the skills and motivation to make it happen, as others have done.

Here are the squads ranked from most appealing to bottom of the barrel.

They’re on fire!

Golden State Warriors: Stephen Curry and Kevin Durant

Milwaukee Bucks: Jabari Parker and Giannis Antetokounmpo

New Orleans Pelicans: Anthony Davis and DeMarcus Cousins

Philadelphia 76ers: Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid

Minnesota Timberwolves: Jimmy Butler and Karl-Anthony Towns

Cleveland Cavaliers: LeBron James and Kevin Love

Houston Rockets: James Harden and Chris Paul

Oklahoma City Thunder: Russell Westbrook and Paul George

Detroit Pistons: Andre Drummond and Blake Griffin

They’re heating up!

Boston Celtics: Kyrie Irving and Al Horford

New York Knicks: Tim Hardaway Jr. and Kristaps Porzingis

Washington Wizards: John Wall and Bradley Beal

Portland Trail Blazers: Damian Lillard and CJ McCollum

Toronto Raptors: DeMar DeRozan and Kyle Lowry

Indiana Pacers: Victor Oladipo and Lance Stephenson

Dallas Mavericks: Dirk Nowitzki and Dennis Smith Jr.

Los Angeles Lakers: Lonzo Ball and Brandon Ingram

San Antonio Spurs: LaMarcus Aldridge and Kawhi Leonard

Utah Jazz: Donovan Mitchell and Rudy Gobert

Miami Heat: Goran Dragic and Hassan Whiteside

Boomshakalaka!

Chicago Bulls: Lauri Markkanen and Kris Dunn

Sacramento Kings: Buddy Hield and Willie Cauley-Stein

Charlotte Hornets: Kemba Walker and Dwight Howard

Los Angeles Clippers: DeAndre Jordan and Lou Williams

Orlando Magic: Aaron Gordon and Evan Fournier

Rejected!

Atlanta Hawks: Dennis Schroder and Taurean Prince

Brooklyn Nets: Jeremy Lin and D’Angelo Russell

Phoenix Suns: Devin Booker and TJ Warren

Denver Nuggets: Nikola Jokic and Gary Harris

Memphis Grizzlies: Marc Gasol and Tyreke Evans