Behold, Some Of The Worst Trash Talk Ever

What you’re looking at here is a pre-fight press conference for a rematch between heavyweight British boxers David Haye and Tony Bellew. Last spring, Bellew shocked the British boxing world by going up two weight classes and beating Haye in 11 rounds.

Well now it’s time for the rematch, and Haye’s trainer, Adam Moralee, stepped to the microphone to let everybody know what time it is.

Behold:

It begins, as all great trash talk does, with the destruction of an old axiom. In this case it was that “history repeats itself,” which Moralee insists is only true in the cases of the crowd not shutting up and of Bellew “playing games.”

Not the greatest start, there. Sounds something like an early 90s sports column. But it doesn’t really derail itself until Moralee asks the crowd a question.

“Do you know what won’t repeat itself?”

Moralee, at the point of asking that, has gotten himself into some rhetorical quicksand. He has already taken the position that nothing in history repeats itself except for the crowd’s screaming and Bellew’s game playing, meaning there is nothing left for him to say. Without saying it, he has already said that Bellew can’t possibly win the fight, because history, as we know, does not repeat itself.

But Moralee won’t stop moving and, as we know, that’s the fatal mistake in quicksand.

“Do you know what won’t repeat itself? You know what? This time David’s going to win.”

The line is magnificently discombobulated and wordy, and it lands like a punch you try to throw in a dream — slowly, if at all.

The British are good at many things, but I don’t know if I count boxing press conferences among them.

(H/T Reddit)