Vladimir Putin's Hockey Career is in Decline and I'm Starting to Suspect His Goal-Scoring Displays Weren't Legit

Russian president Vladimir Putin, who was recently re-elected, scored five goals in an exhibition hockey game on Thursday. You might be saying, “oh, wow, that’s pretty good,” but keep in mind the 65-year-old politician scored seven last year and eight in 2015. He is clearly losing his edge and his off-ice activities — many of them nefarious — have dulled his game.

Also, I don’t want to sound like one of those Russian conspiracy theorists from The Left, but I am having serious issues accepting that Putin is lighting the lamp repeatedly all on his own accord. Something about the lax defense and opposing goalie moving like he’s stuck in a bowl of rice makes the whole thing suspect.

It doesn’t really make sense that Putin is consistently outscoring former NHL and KHL players who are significantly younger than him. Someone over there ought to launch an investigation into this to root out any possible cheating and corruption. Guaranteed to end well.