Nick Saban Creates Driest Possible Euphemism for "Quarterback"

It is July, which means Nick Saban is enjoying his very favorite aspect of being the football coach at Alabama: Talking to the press.

This July, the biggest story concerning the Tide is the competition between Jalen Hurts and Tua Tagovailoa to be the starting quarterback. There isn’t much to be learned from Saban’s comments to ESPN on that matter, but the 66 year-old, six-time national champion did reveal a new set of words which could be used to describe the position in question.

“Distribution center of the ball.”

Behold:

"“I told them both, ‘The more that you can do in your performance, your leadership, how you affect other people, the relationships you have on the team and the confidence that you develop in other players in your ability to distribute the ball, because that’s what the quarterback is — the distribution center of the ball — then that’s the guy who’s going to have the best opportunity to win the team,'” Saban said. “That has been my message to the players, and they’re both going to get a fair opportunity.”"

That’s what the quarterback would be called if all the positions were named by a committee comprising only attorneys. It’s like something the IRS would come up with. It’s like calling a janitor a “sanitation consultant.” It’s what you say when you’re afraid the word “quarterback” has a “problematic” connotation.

Bless you, Nick Saban.