Ranking NFL Quarterbacks (By the #1 Songs on the Day They Were Born)
By Jason Lisk
Yes, yet another ranking of quarterbacks. But instead of arguing about their yards per attempt or completion percentage, today is all about pop culture and the songs that were the most popular on the day they were born. We have quarterbacks that span from being born in the late 1970’s to the late 1990’s now in the league, so this basically falls right in my wheelhouse as a child of the 80’s and a graduate in the 90’s. These rankings are indisputable and based on serious research, such as which songs I would listen to multiple times or sing at karaoke (if, theoretically, I ever did that).
#1 Andy Dalton – “Bad” Michael Jackson (10/29/87)
Iconic. Michael Jackson with the leather and grease is one of the enduring images seared in my brain from childhood (along with Weird Al parodying it).
#2 Alex Smith – “Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now) Phil Collins (5/7/84)
So underrated. Phil Collins at his best, taking deep shots, kind of like Alex Smith turning into a deep passer a year ago against all odds.
#3 Joe Flacco – “Like a Virgin” Madonna (1/16/85)
Madonna will make a few appearances on this list, but is the most elite? I think it’s the perfect song for Joe Flacco.
#4 Carson Wentz – “I Will Always Love You” Whitney Houston (12/30/92)
Whitney Houston at her best. RIP.
#5 Deshaun Watson and Patrick Mahomes – “Gangsta’s Paradise” Coolio featuring L.V. (9/14/95 and 9/17/95)
Fun fact, Watson and Mahomes are the closest in age of any quarterbacks on this list.
#6 Drew Brees – “Too Much Heaven” BeeGees (1/15/79)
Yes, the BeeGees are going to be near the top of my list.
#7 Cam Newton – “Like a Prayer” Madonna (5/11/89)
Madonna’s iconic music video was one of the most powerful in the MTV era. Cam Newton likewise challenges conventions and does things his own way.
#8 Derek Carr – “One More Try” Timmy T (3/28/91)
Timmy T had a brief moment in the sun and I’m thankful that Derek Carr is now here to memorialize it. This song and video is so 1991 it hurts.
#9 Jared Goff – “I’ll Make Love to You” Boyz II Men (10/14/94)
Last year, the Rams offense went from boyz to men.
#10 Matthew Stafford and Case Keenum – “Could’ve Been” Tiffany (2/7/88 and 2/17/88)
Hot take: this isn’t the only Tiffany song on this list, but it’s the best, even if it might not be the one you immediately think of. It’s also a great title to go with a quarterback drafted by the Detroit Lions.
#11 Blake Bortles – “Jump” Kriss Kross (4/28/92)
Blake Bortles will make you jump, jump.
#12 Aaron Rodgers – “All Night Long (All Night)” Lionel Richie (12/3/83)
I’d probably take “Easy” and “Hello” over this fun song when it comes to Richie, which is why it’s outside my top 10.
#13 Matt Ryan – “Crazy for You” Madonna (5/17/85)
Another great Madonna entry, and if you can judge by quarterback birthdays, she might have been a big deal.
#14 Ben Roethlisberger – “Centerfold” J. Geils Band (3/2/82)
I would make a joke about Ben Roethlisberger’s song being “Centerfold” but he would then block me on Twitter.
#15 Nick Foles – “When I See You Smile” Bad English (11/20/89)
Power Rock ballad from the late 80’s? Yes please.
#16 Ryan Tannehill – “Hold On to the Nights” Richard Marx (7/27/88)
Richard Marx’ hair was glorious.
#17 Mitch Trubisky – “Stay (I Missed You)” Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories (8/20/94)
Since he can’t recognize his own backup, it’s doubtful Trubisky would have any idea who Lisa Loeb was.
#18 Russell Wilson – “Bad Medicine” Bon Jovi (11/29/88)
Russell Wilson’s concussion water is like bad medicine.
#19 Ryan Fitzpatrick – “Up Where We Belong” Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes (11/24/82)
This song references love lifting us up where eagles fly; somehow they are the one team he hasn’t played for yet.
#20 Lamar Jackson and Josh Rosen — “Unbreak My Heart” Toni Braxton (1/17/97 and 2/10/97)
Toni Braxton’s insane vocals stayed atop the chart for quite awhile in 1997, and now quarterbacks are coming of age who will hopefully unbreak some hearts.
#21 Tyrod Taylor – “Toy Soldiers” Martika (8/3/89)
It wasn’t my intention to mislead you
It never should have been this way
What can I say?
It’s true I did extend the invitation
I never knew how long you’d stay
When you hear temptation call
It’s your heart that takes
Takes the fall
Won’t you come out and play with me?
I feel like this presciently described Tyrod Taylor getting briefly benched last year for Nathan Peterman.
#22 Sam Bradford – “I Think We’re Alone Now” Tiffany (11/8/87)
Tiffany perfectly encapsulated the malls and frosted jeans of my youth.
#23 Sam Darnold – “MMMBop” Hanson (6/5/97)
The second best song featuring MMM, behind the Crash Test Dummies.
#24 Nathan Peterman – “Bump n’ Grind” R. Kelly (5/4/94)
We found out years later that there is something wrong with a little bump n’ grind.
#25 Jameis Winston – “Hero” Mariah Carey (1/16/94)
I was listening to Pearl Jam and Weezer at this point. Apparently this was a popular song.
#26 Dak Prescott – “Can’t Help Falling In Love” UB40 (7/29/93)
As far as remakes go, this wasn’t bad, but when it comes to UB40, it’s no “Red, Red Wine.”
#27 Kirk Cousins – “Roll With It” Steve Winwood (8/19/88)
Kirk Cousins probably grills frozen steaks while playing this song in the background.
#28 Tom Brady – “I Just Want To Be Your Everything” Andy Gibb (8/3/77)
At the age of 19, Andy Gibb had a #1 hit and Tom Brady had zero Super Bowl rings. Advantage Gibb.
#29 Josh Allen – “The Crossroads” Bone Thugs-n-Harmony (5/21/96)
See you at the Crossroads, Josh.
#30 Baker Mayfield – “Take a Bow” Madonna (4/14/95)
The final Madonna entry on the list, and far below her 1980’s peak.
#31 Philip Rivers – “Physical” Olivia Newton-John (12/8/81)
This song isn’t as good as you might remember it. The video is pretty funny to watch though. Also, while the video is about working out, I’m pretty sure the song might be about S-E-X.
#32 Josh McCown – “Ring My Bell” Anita Ward (7/4/79)
I like some disco era songs. I’d rank this one fairly far down that list.
#33 Marcus Mariota – “Dreamlover” Mariah Carey (10/30/93)
Come at me, Mariah stans.
#34 Jimmy Garoppolo – “Romantic” Karyn White (11/2/91)
How fitting that Jimmy Garoppolo was born during the brief reign of the song “Romantic,” which I had blocked out of my memory banks.
#35 Eli Manning – “Just Like Starting Over” John Lennon (1/3/81)
John Lennon was murdered less than a month before Eli Manning was born, which explains this song rising to the top of the charts posthumously. It’s not one you are otherwise going to remember.
#36 Andrew Luck – “Hangin’ Tough” New Kids On The Block (9/12/89)
Yep, there I said it. I was a jaded 15-year-old kid in 1989 making fun of this song, but I just listened, and yep, still garbage. It’s an absolute crime that “Heaven” by Warrant and “18 and Life” by Skid Row could never get to #1 because of this steaming pile. Sorry, Andrew Luck.