Actually, The Avocado Toast Sneakers Are Good

If there’s one thing that binds our fractured society together in times of need, it’s a shared disdain for Millennials held by everyone who is not part of the age bracket. Everything we do is seen as some sort of abomination and attempts to reverse the lazy/selfish/triggered stereotypes usually prove futile. Among the easiest zingers to lob up is the avocado toast trope. The subtext being youngsters are unable to save up and buy a house because they are too busy spending money on frivolous items, like expensive and trendy breakfast.

Burn.

Because this is America and the free market will do what it does, Saucony has introduced a gimmick to capitalize on the discussion with avocado toast-themed sneakers. And folks, here is where I implore you to wade through the ridiculousness of the premise and bask in the glorious beauty of these instead.

These delicious kicks retail for $130? Shut up and take my money. I’ll be the clown and financially imprudent Millennial for that price. Make no mistake here, Saucony is not paying me to say nice things about these shoes. In fact, it was a major surprise to learn they are still in the footwear game.

Look, the smart part of my brain knows this is a shameless marketing ploy. The other half, though, the lizard part, just screams “give me, give me, give me.” I’m find admitting that. This is a safe space, after all, and remaining on-brand is important.

Could do without the Holy Saucamole pun though. A person should retain some shred of dignity.