VIDEO: No One Has Ever Trotted Slower Than Rhys Hoskins

Americans love home runs so much because they are basically a free pass to be lazy. Blast a dinger over the fence and — viola! — you get carte blanche to take a leisurely trot around the bases at your own speed. It’s as if the concept was created by a bunch of guys worried about sweating through their Sunday dress shirts before dinner. Beautiful stuff, this fabric of the game.

Philadelphia’s Rhys Hoskins took full advantage of the opportunity last night against the New York Mets. The outfielder socked a homer off Jacob Rhame to cap a 6-0 victory, and took 34.2 seconds to round the bases. This is the most deliberate trot in the StatCast era, beating Victor Martinez by .1 second.

Hoskins said he wasn’t trying to send a message with his slowness, he was simply enjoying the moment, which is a great thing to say any time a person finds his or herself behind schedule. Really takes the edgy off a perceived slight from tardiness.

Let me issue a challenge here. Major Leaguers should attempt to one-up Hoskins. I want to see some 45- or 50- second trips around the bags. Pace of play can get lost. The masses year for slow-moving men.