ABC's First 'Golden Bachelor' Gerry Turner Is a Certified Smokeshow

ABC has named its first-ever golden years Bachelor and he's an absolute snack. And not like a Werther's Original buttery candy or a King peppermint disc, the type of fare you might expect when the whole premise is The Bachelor/Bachelorette for septuagenarians.

There's no need to apologize to Gerry Turner, a 71-year-old from Indiana who loves his Chicago sports teams because the complaint here is that he's too hot. It took years and years for this idea, which has been bouncing around since before the pandemic, to ruminate and that part of the reason is that they literally had to scour the globe for the best-looking man alive who can actually remember the launching of Sputnik or Don Larsen's World Series perfect game.

When asked about the golden-years spinoff earlier this year, Walt Disney Television executive vp unscripted and alternative Rob Mills told The Hollywood Reporter the holdup was over finding the right lead. “It’s the one I get asked about the most, which means people really love this idea,” he said. “For us, the most important thing is that we get the exact right person, whether it’s a Bachelor or Bachelorette, and it’s somebody that everyone wants to see us tell their story and that everyone gets invested in seeing them find love. So we’re still casting, we’re looking — but once we find that perfect person, absolutely it’s one we’re going to do.”

Turner will date a bunch of women who are 65 and above and the show's probably going to be a hit because everyone in America is going to tune in with sheer disbelief, comparing their family members and folks down at the local short track who are 71 to this guy. Which on one hand, is perfectly fine because it's a testament to what's possible with proper hydration and an active lifestyle.

They've been advertising this for so long and asking for help with submissions for this version. One can only imagine the shock of those who have told their single parents to check this out thinking they had some sort of chance and then see this guy plastered all over the internet today. He looks like Marty Smith's slightly older brother.

And again, to be clear, good for Turner for cultivating this Robert Redford vibe. Only it's not really a Robert Redford vibe because here is the actor back in 2008 when he was 71.

Turner looks like a Bond villain who happens to be the richest man in the world and summers on the Amalfi Coast. All respect in the world is aimed in his direction. He's surely a great person and will be beloved. But we're just shocked at the big reveal and don't like our chances getting the lead in 2055 when this spinoff is crushing the ratings in its 32nd season.