Derek Jeter is Having His Bat Model Retired By Louisville Slugger Like That's a Real Thing

Louisville Slugger announces they are retiring P72 model bat (Jeter's), 1st time in 130 years they retired bat model in honor of a player
— Scott Miller (@ScottMillerBbl) September 24, 2014

Major news professional baseball players. You will never again be able to use a P72 model Louisville Slugger. Sorry. You’ll have to settle for a… different model? How does this affect anyone? Can we get a count on the number of pro ball players using the same model bat as Derek Jeter? I mean, it can’t be considered the “most effective” bat in production today based on Jeter’s numbers. I’m surprised Jeter is even still using it because it’s not working.

This is obviously just another attempt to cash in on Derek Jeter’s career’s corpse, but who the hell is buying wooden bats in 2014? Certainly not people who play baseball because that would be a waste of money. The only people I can think of that would be in the market for a wooden bat are sports memorabilia collectors and people into “A Few Good Men” cosplay.

Besides, saying a wooden bat is being discontinued is like telling me a certain type of cloud will no longer appear in the sky: They all look the same and I’ll never have one in my hands so you can explain the difference anyway. So if you’re one of the three people in the world who this affects, I’m sorry. I hope you find another wooden bat that looks and feels the same, but allows you to finish your baseball career with more success than the trusty P72 afforded Jeets.