Game of Thrones: "The Spoils of War" Recap

What a great episode of Game of Thrones. Short, but lots of good stuff. Reunions. Dragons. Arya. Only thing missing was Euron Greyjoy.

Iron Banker – Does anyone enjoy loans more than this guy? I bet he’s going to be super salty next week.

Bran and Littlefinger – What do you get for the boy who has nothing, but knows everything? A dagger that was used to try and kill him. It’s a weird gift. Then Brann is all “chaos is a ladder” and Littlefinger is all “hey, I said that!” Classic creepy guy – goth kid interaction.

Meera Reed – See you later. Wherever you’re going. You didn’t say much since Bran broke Hodor. You dragged Bran through a lot of snow. Is it more likely Meera shows up again this season or that someone says, “I wonder what Meera is doing?”

Winterfell Guards – Amazing that anyone in this position just immediately acts like a total dick. Even if they’re dressed to actually resemble dicks?

Stark Family Reunion – I really hope Jon hurries back so he can hug Arya. All these Starks getting back together is just heartwarming. As long as Bran isn’t involved. There’s nothing more annoying than an all-knowing god-man who refuses to actually share the things he knows.

TFW you’re trying to take back what is yours by birthright, but your best friend got some and you’re like “giiiiiiirlllll!”

The Cave of Dragonglass and Drawings – First looking at all the beautiful dragonglass you kind of wish Jon Snow will briefly turn into Hank Schrader and start telling her about his geodes and minerals. Instead he shows her some secret cave drawings.

Arya and Brienne – Even though there were no stakes to this “fight” it was pretty awesome. Just another enjoyable interaction between characters that seemed like it would never come.

Theon – Speaking of reunions this was the first time Theon and Jon saw each other since season 1.

Noah Syndergaard – Or should I say Noah Synderkingsgaard? That’s how you do a cameo.

Battle of Dragon vs. Golden Caravan – Good news for longtime readers of TBL – with all this gold being taken from the Lannister army, Game of Thrones can now be considered a heist movie.

Even better news, we got an awesome battle that included a dragon and Dothraki hoard. It was pretty glorious. This is all we want. Friendly swordplay among our favorite characters and dragons blowing shit up.

But shouldn’t Dany have gone right across the Lannister forces side to side instead of just cutting through the middle? I know I’m Monday morning dragonbacking, but it seems pretty obvious.

Giant-Ass Crossbow – Question: As soon as the dragon appeared over the horizon, why didn’t they man that thing? And how was it so effective when two days ago it was completely stationary in a crypt? And how is one man able to man it so easily? And it sure was lucky that was the one cart that wasn’t burned to the ground. Lots of people joked that a dragon would have to fly directly at the crossbow for it to work and wouldn’t you know it! I guess Qyburn’s greatest trick is the suspension of disbelief.

Of course, maybe after everything was on fire Dany should have retreated to the mountain to watch the Dothraki do work. Drogon got shot because Dany was running up the score.

Still, pretty great. Must have been very expensive. No wonder the episode was shorter than a Weezer album.

RIP Jaime and Bronn? – I mean, probably not, because they are going to swim ashore next episode after Dany’s entire army has dispersed, but shouldn’t one or both of them have definitely died. And the episode could have ended with Ed Sheeran covering “The Sound of Silence” as a dragon ate him.