Groundhog Day 2023 Reminds World That Not All Prognosticators Live Forever

Punxsutawney Phil, the star a 1993 romcom, woke up and saw his shadow this morning, predicting six more weeks of winter. It turns out that his shadow was not the darkest news of the day though. First, in two different cities in New York other groundhogs went against Phil's word and predicted an early spring.

Imposters, the both of them. And yet it gets worse. Further north in Canada a crowd showed up to see Quebec's Fred la Marmotte prognosticate the weather only to be told he had died. This isn't quite as bad as the time NYC mayor Bill de Blasio dropped the aforementioned Staten Island Chuck and a zoo tried to coverup his eventual death, but it's still the kind of thing that will stick with any child who was in attendance to hear the news.

Like, for example, the child in a fury hat who as then held up in Fred's place. The child saw his shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter, but the damage has already been done. He was a stand-in for a dead animal and on top of that, why trust a groundhog at all?

Especially a mortal one. The one true weather king is Punxsutawney Phil, who in addition to never being wrong, will never die. At least that's what the FAQ says.

This all seemed so much more fun in elementary school. The minute you start asking questions - like can a groundhog really predict the weather or do immortal groundhogs remarry or why isn't the groundhog answering the door - then you start to get answers you really don't want to hear.

Anyway, happy holiday.