Magic Johnson's Rankings, Ranked

Magic Johnson delights in life’s simple pleasures. A no-look pass on a fastbreak. Dishing on Lakers drama to sympathetic ESPN talent. Making an obscene amount of money in the coffee-chain game. And, of course, listing stuff.

With plenty of free time on his hands, the new 60-year-old has been pumping out content recently in a way that would make George R.R. Martin’s head spin.

Johnson appears to have a real penchant for alphabetizing, but once you think you’ve figured out his rhymes and reason, he throws a curveball in there.

Long the owner of one of Twitter’s most blissful feeds, Magic’s newfound interest in ranking stuff is making him so damn relatable to all the content creators out there. You see, we know the singular joy of putting numbers next to words — sometimes haphazardly — and the engagement it can draw.

As an homage, please enjoy our rankings of Johnson’s rankings. Or is it a list of his lists? Let’s not overthink it.

8. Magic Johnson’s Top 60 Places to Travel

This is tied with the next list as the most alphabetical, but this feels the most alphabetical. Without the clarifier, this could easily just be a list of places. Which it basically is.

7. Magic Johnson’s Top 60 Athletes Turned Entrepreneurs

Yep. Definitely a list of athletes. How entrepreneurial they really are is up to the reader, it would seem; Magic isn’t going to give any hints there. Shoutout to Vinnie Johnson, who is always No. 1 in my personal record book.

6. Magic Johnson’s Top 60 TV Shows

No Breaking Bad is a shocking upset. Also, imagine a person liking all of these shows. Diverse palette.

5. Magic Johnson’s Top 60 Films

The best thing about this list is the placement of The Bourne Identity. It isn’t anywhere near the B’s or the T’s. The prevailing theory is he thought it was The Jason Bourne Identity, realized it wasn’t just before posting, and left it with the J’s anyway. No regrets.

4. Magic Johnson’s Top 60 Hip-Hop Artists

Man, do you write out Tupac or it it 2Pac like the over always said? Where’s that AP Stylebook when you need it?

3. Magic Johnson’s Top 60 Female R&B Artists

It’s pretty cool to see Johnson give equal time to the ladies. Boy may come before girl in the dictionary but everyone’s on the same plane, baby.

2. Magic Johnson’s Top 60 Music Groups

Great list.

1. Magic Johnson’s Top 60 Male R&B Artists

Okay, let’s get into it. Just how far he is going to parse these things. The separation and delineation is truly impressive. There’s a non-zero chance Magic’s house looks like Howard Hughes’– just littered with spiral notebooks with list after list on every dogeared page.

Also, a free idea to a guy who doesn’t need it: put these all in a book and sell it like at Urban Outfitters or something. CASH COW.