Mike Greenberg's Knife-and-Fork Advocacy Continues to Be Inspiring

Mike Greenberg was a guest on Kevin Clark's Slow News Day, where he was confronted with a classic media gotcha question about his eating habits, which are no one's business but his own. And the many sports blogs who find them fascinating. The ubiquitous ESPN host, a trained pro, wasn't fazed for a moment and doubled down on his commitment to the oft-forgotten kitchen utensils with what scholars believe to be the most detailed recorded thoughts on the matter. And for this he was rewarded by being compared to one of the bad guys in Mindhunter. Who is the real monster here?

"There is nothing you should not eat with a knife and fork except things that must be eaten with a spoon," Greenberg said. "You should eat all things with utensils. Everything should be eaten via some vessel."

There's one reason for this and it's quite simple. Fingers don't belong in food and food doesn't belong on fingers. Greenberg explained he doesn't want the smell on his fingers, which is really a completely normal impulse and not something they need to bring Bill Tench and Holden Ford in to dissect.

Not to tell anyone how to business but if I were one of the people in the C-Suites at Cuisinart or KitchenAid, I'd be on the phone with Greeny by noon discussing a sponsorship deal and commercial package. There's so much brand synergy there to mine. Also, likeminded people could finally see some representation on television and feel better about their choice to eat pizza with a knife and fork, which is sometimes entirely necessary if it's too floppy.

A win-win-win situation.