New York Giants 2012 NFL Preview: Super Bowl Champions, Second Class Citizens

Welcome back to the World Champion New York Football Giants! After yet another Super Bowl victory, the Giants are finally the most respected and feared team in all the land. What’s that? Nobody cares about the Giants and everyone is more interested in the dumpster fire in the other home locker room at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey? Well then. I wonder why. Probably because the Giants are a bunch of media whore hackfrauds who have never won jack squat compared to their rivals. Let’s break it down.

Eli Manning may have won two Super Bowls, but he didn’t make two consecutive AFC Championship games: In fact, Eli Manning has never won a single AFC Championship despite being drafted by the San Diego Chargers – an AFC team. Eli Manning may have won two Super Bowls, but he didn’t win two BCS National Championships. Eli Manning is an accurate passer, but he has never completed over 40% of his passes left-handed. Finally, Eli Manning married his college sweetheart and had a child. Eli Manning is not a confirmed bachelor who goes on couples vacations and I’m not even sure what church he attends. The Giants are obviously going to struggle without a single quarterback who will thrive under the bright Broadway lights. The Jets? They have two of those quarterbacks.

Tom Coughlin has been a head coach in this league since 1995. Since then his only success has been with the Jacksonville Jaguars when he took them to the playoffs in their second year of existence. His best result with the Jaguars? A conference championship appearance. Who cares? Meanwhile, Rex Ryan took the Jets to two consecutive AFC Championship games. Supposedly Tom Coughlin has a wife and two daughters, but I’ve never seen any of them with their bare feet hanging out a car window on YouTube, so how can we be sure? Tom Coughlin almost lost his job last season before his team saved his ass by winning the Super Bowl. Can the Giants really trust this guy? Rex Ryan went to two consecutive AFC Championship games! And Rex Ryan knows he’s a good coach. When was the last time you heard Tom Coughlin give himself a vote of confidence.

In addition to being a boring team with a coach and quarterback you can’t count on, the Giants also lost some key members to last year’s team. ~~Ron Dayne~~ Brandon Jacobs, Aaron Ross and Mario Manningham are all gone. Martellus Bennett and David Wilson will need to step up, along with a bevy of receivers who will try to replace Manningham. Just look at those names. None of that screams Ground and Pound which is exactly what the Jets have.

Serious Note
The Giants defense wasn’t that good last year statistically. They return one of the best defensive lines in football, but their secondary is injury plagued. Prince Amukamara, the Giants first round pick in 2011 spent most of the year injured last season and is out for the season opener. Also, how can you trust a defense when teammates are throwing each other in buckets of ice! The Giants are only in the news for stuff like that – off the field distractions. They aren’t focused and their locker room is surely torn apart. That’s why we should be glad the media is focusing on the real team from New York…. that also doesn’t actually play in New York.

Celebrity Fan
Not Maria Menounos. She hates the Giants. She has suffered for her sins. Tim Tebow will see tot hat.

Primetime Games (a.k.a. An opportunity for national ridicule)
Wednesday, September 5 vs Dallas
Thursday, September 20 @ Carolina
Sunday, September 30 @ Philadelphia
Sunday, November 25 vs Green Bay
Monday, December 3 @ Washington

BYE WEEK
WEEK 11

Super Bowl Odds
Opened: 16/1
Currently: 22/1 per Bovada

The truth is, how often does a team win back-to-back Super Bowls? Not once unless you count the times it did happen.

Prediction: 11-5
Trust me, I looked at their schedule for a good 4 minutes before coming to that conclusion. That should be good enough to make the playoffs. Once they get there? Probably nothing special.