Newsmax's Greg Kelly Says He Once Smoked Weed in Kentucky, Woke Up Four Days Later in Kenya
By Kyle Koster
Greg Kelly anchors the 7 p.m. hour for Newsmax and operates an incredible feed perfect for April Fool's Day because one is never sure where the performance ends and the performative shtick begins. New Yorkers may remember him as the son of former city police commissioner Ray Kelly and also as the guy from Fox 5's Good Day New York every now and again when he says something particularly wild.
He painted his masterpiece Wednesday evening while griping about the state legalizing recreational marijuana use, recalling an alleged past instance in which he — stay with me here — partook in the experience with some buddies in Kentucky only to wake up four days later in Nairobi, Kenya.
SMOKING WEED (aka GRASS) is NOT a good idea. I’ve tried it (back in the day) and it was WORSE than anything that happened to HUNTER BIDEN. I “toked up” with some buddies in Kentucky and woke up 4 days later in Nairobi, Kenya. With no idea what happened. DON’T DO DRUGS.
— Greg Kelly (@gregkellyusa) March 31, 2021
Now, the first natural reaction here is jealousy. Because honestly what he's describing almost feels like a best-case scenario. Who among us wouldn't want to simply fast-forward the clock 96 hours and be in a new continent without the annoying parts of travel?
If true, Kelly managed to avoid the hassle of getting to the airport, buying tickets, going through security, flying for some 17 hours and, more than likely, being unconscious for a layover in Dakar, Senegal. Then he enjoyed some 60ish additional hours of sleep or other unaccounted-for behavior to take the edge off any potential jetlag.
Genius stuff when you think about it.
Far be it for me to give business advice but this does seem to present quite an opportunity here as studios are desperate for a movie that can make the Hangover escapades look like a family-friendly romp. What Kelly is describing here is the plot of a movie that could become the No. 1 motion picture certainly domestically, but also internationally. There are elevator pitches and then there are elevator pitches that make you unhappy the elevator ride ends and you can't hear more.
So many lingering questions remain to be explored by a skilled screenwriter and the most pressing is this: what exactly would a person have to actually smoke in order to take this journey? A joint laced with Unobtainium from the Avatar planet? Flubber? Pieces of the exploded Death Star?
Hopefully a few of Kelly's buddies come forward today with more details. They should know they will be richly rewarded with attention because, well, everyone enjoys a good yarn no matter their state of mind.