Paulie & The Robot in Rocky IV: The Untold American Romance No One Asked for or Seemingly Noticed

If somebody says Rocky IV, several things immediately strike a chord in my memory: Rocky inexplicably training for a fight by mainly splitting wood, Drago getting cut, Balboa weighing in on the Cold War in one of the more eloquent/succinct/easy to follow speeches of our generation, and of course…

Paulie & The Robot.

To catch you up to speed if you have never seen any of the Rocky franchise, Paulie was Rocky’s brother- in-law and quite possibly emblematic of everything a man should strive not to be.

When I reflect back to splitting wood with my dad in the cold New England winters, I wish his life lessons were simply power point presentations of things Paulie pulled. For the record, we used a splitter, and it was not nearly as labor intensive as Rocky’s training sequences in preparation for Drago. Anyway … Paulie pulled the following stunts throughout the Rocky movies:

• Threw a turkey into an alley in an homage to every grisly domestic scene in the history of time. On Thanksgiving night. But don’t worry, Paulie made sure to rip off a handsome turkey leg for himself before screaming at his sister to, “Go in the alley and eat the bird.”
• Got alarmingly drunk and hurled a liquor bottle into a pinball machine, only to be thrown in jail and attempt to fight Rocky, who bailed him out of jail.. who happens to be the same man decorating the Pinball machine.
• Somehow, through all of this, he emerged in Rocky V as the financial advisor to the Balboa family, and obviously lost all of Rocky’s money immediately. Seriously thou, how on Earth does Rocky agree to have Paulie weigh in on any financial decisions?

But none of this compares to most bizarre plot perhaps in the history of modern cinema.

Paulie and The Robot. Five scenes that somehow cavalierly glided through modern pop culture like a lizard on ice, unnoticed for decades.

Let’s examine some key moments when The Robot stole the show:

Next Key Robot Scene:

Apollo is begging Rocky to let him fight The Russian, which makes little sense since Rocky has zero control over the powerful boxing commission. But don’t worry, Rocky invited his wife, young son and of course Paulie to partake in this discussion with a man he shed blood, sweat and tears with. Paulie does not disappoint, as he wears his Sunday’s best to this meeting he has no business attending:

First off, I’ve never seen pints of Baskin Robbins. I’ll give Paulie a tip of the cap for a level of craftiness. Lord knows, I’ve pulled some shit I’ve never wanted to do to get a pint of ice cream. Hell, I even got into it with a guy at the Ben ‘n Jerry’s factory in 1997 on a school-sponsored history related field trip. Point is, I respect a man that gets his desired treat. But Paulie is almost mocking conventional society. He treated everyone around him like garbage for years, bit the hand that feeds him, but after decades of taking and not giving he’s still giving his two cents to international superstar Apollo Creed, while covered in filth. Impressive Paulie.

However, the headliner to this meeting is The Robot. The Robot emerges, brings Paulie a beer, and sensually says, “You’re Welcome.” But here’s the rub:

The Robot suddenly speaks in a woman’s voice.

If this was Scream, this is the moment Billy Lumas tells Sydney “We all go a little mad sometimes.” The only issue is, Rocky IV is not a horror film. We all accept the fact that the lazy, rude and racist (Rocky III) uncle has reprogrammed The Robot into a sexual servant. We must reevaluate Rocky IV and base our analysis about one simple question:

How on Earth did Paulie reprogram that robot? Did he hire someone? How much did this venture cost him? Was he secretly attending a vigorous night school? When did he hire a woman do to a voice over session for The Robot?

Look, we all know how it ended… Paulie, who I seriously doubt had his passport in order, went to Russia, managed to get out of the three feet of snow he awkwardly fell in and is one of two people in Balboa’s corner. Rocky beat The Russian and took a massive bite out of Cold War tensions by making one hell of a speech. Yadayadadyada and 20 minutes into the next film Rocky is bankrupt after listening to some shrewd financial advice from Paulie. It was Paulie’s great symphony, bringing his heroic brother in law back to the poor streets of Philly.

It’s my contention that Paulie was actually a genius. An evil, diabolical genius. Paulie hated Rocky for years (pinball machine anyone?)… He hated his sister (“Go in the alley and get your bird!!!”).

So when Rocky showed up late for his birthday in Rocky IV, he snapped. He mocked them with his superior mind, reprogrammed The Robot into a subservient sexual slave, and flew to Russia in Rocky’s corner. Hell, Paulie even mocked America by wearing the red white and blue flag en route to the ring!

Paulie was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. No one just ever put two and two together. Rocky was blind to it as he split wood in Russia. My dad missed it as we split wood in Wilmington, Massachusetts. But I’ll never look at the Rocky franchise the same again.

And don’t even get me started on the fact that Adrian left for Russia and left The Robot in charge of her child.

Neil Foley is a freelance writer and the Senior Manager of Audio at Fox Sports.