Pigskin Pigsplosion Week 4 NFL Preview: Kirk Cousins is the Best Player Ever
Jason: Amazingly, none of us have been suspended by The Big Lead for something we have said during a Pigsplosion picks segment. The season is still young. The week 4 picks and previews are here, and everyone is now above the picking Mendoza line entering the bye weeks. We can now pretend like we know what we are talking about.
Last Week
Jason: 11-5
Ryan: 9-7
Stephen: 7-9
Overall
Jason: 26-21-1
Ryan: 26-21-1
Stephen: 25-22-1
NY Giants @ Washington (-3.5)
Jason: I am 0-3 on Thursday night this year and each team has lost by 20+ points, so obviously, Thursday night games suck (when it comes to me having to handicap them). So take all this with a grain of salt. Kirk Cousins has played well so far this year. Just like last year, he has had pretty favorable matchups, but whereas last year he struggled against them, he’s at least done what a competent starter should do with a good matchup. He already has set a career high in touchdown passes, with 5, despite throwing half as many passes as last year so far. I still think he has limitations–some of his deep throws haven’t been great and I think his combination of arm strength and willingness to be aggressive could lead to some costly picks going forward, but maybe he has found the right fit in Gruden’s offense.
That said, the Giants throttled him last year, and he is no longer the new guy. We’ll see just how much he has improved. It also may not matter, because Washington’s defense is pretty beat up. Giants.
Stephen: Jason, are you really trying to downplay the awesomeness that is Kirk Cousins? Kirk Cousins is the most dominant athlete in Washington sports history. Also, as beat up as the Re-Washington team is, the Giants kind of stink. WASHINGTON
Ryan: South Park got lauded in a bunch of places for making one of its BEST EPISODES EVER this week. While it was cool to see them stick it to Daniel Snyder and Roger Goodell, and there were some tremendous quick jokes — i.e. the Goodell Bot malfunctioning, and a wide-eyed Jerry Jones getting blown under the table — it was not, in fact, one of the BEST EPISODES EVER. The plot in this one sort of fell apart at the end. This happens from time to time, and is a consequence of the frenetic production schedule that enables them to be so timely, but the show has done much better work in the past. Washington.
Miami (-4) @ Oakland
Ryan: The Dolphins seem like they are about to be in open revolt of Joe Philbin, which, in a weird way, bodes well for them. When it felt like the team was going to collapse under the weight of the Incognito/Martin situation a year ago, they actually started playing better. Everyone in the world is going to be picking against them this week, so watch them come out and beat up on a bad team. Miami.
Jason: In other words, they are the Dolphins of the last 15 years. Raiders.
Stephen: Did Ryan just argue that bullying works? Don’t know if I can get behind that take, buddy. RAIDERS
Jason: Also, it seems like every year, we have been successfully exporting one of our worst games to London. Mission accomplished again, America.
Green Bay (-1.5) @ Chicago
Ryan: I covered the Packers’ struggles on offense this season in-depth earlier this week. There are a bunch of moving parts that contribute to one another, but Aaron Rodgers hasn’t been perfect, Eddie Lacy’s been ineffective, they’ve lost their depth of receivers, and play-calling has seemed sub-optimal. The good news in all this is that every time there’s a torrent of news, Rodgers comes out as the terminator the next week. Packers.
Stephen: The Bears are not the Jets. BEARS
Jason: The home team in this series, going back to 1960, is 53-54. That’s right, in this battle of upper Midwest teams, like many other rivals that are close to each other (see Eagles-Giants, Patriots-Jets, Giants-Washington), where the game is played has little impact. I know that the Packers have had their struggles, but I feel like the Bears haven’t clicked yet either, relying on a few breaks and timely turnovers (or non-calls on turnovers for touchdown that could have swung a game). I like Green Bay to play better in this one, in a close game. Packers
Buffalo @ Houston (-3)
Stephen: Arian Foster has already missed his first game of the season. That does not bode well for anyone. As for this game, are we looking at a Ryan Fitzpatrick revenge game? A Mario Williams revenge game? I’m sure there are other players for both teams who have previously played for the other team. Will any of those guys have revenge games? Or might the maximum output of the entire team outweigh the performance of a single player? BILLS
Ryan: With all this revenge talk, I hope announcers will clue us in on whether or not these two teams like each other. My best guess is that they don’t, but we won’t know for sure until we’re told. Texans.
Jason: Ryan Fitzpatrick, at this point, has to be angling to play the lead in the remake of “Jeremiah Johnson.” His revenge will be hiding Marrone’s playbook inside that ridiculous beard. Texans.
Tennessee @ Indianapolis (-7.5)
Stephen: I wonder what a bad impression of Andrew Luck would have to say about Bill Simmons’ suspension? COLTS
Ryan: Andrew the Giant would totally tag-team with Bill against ESPN management. As I said before the season, I really like Bill Simmons’ podcast with Cousin Sal. Football season is scarce, and it’s not really fair to me that I’m going to have to miss out on that for three weeks. I’m the real victim here. Colts.
Carolina @ Baltimore (-3)
Stephen: Forget that sage bullshit about team over individual! This is the Steve Smith Sr. Bowl! DeSean Jackson posted a picture on Instagram after his team lost to his former team just last weekend. Steve Smith (Sr.) seems more like the kind of fellow who might fight a former teammate. Especially, considering he never had a problem fighting them when they were teammates. Forget the spread, I’m setting the number of times Smith and the Panthers have to be separated at 4.5. RAVENS
Ryan: In fairness to DeSean, he also sorta tried to fight a former teammate last week, who then got flagged for retaliation. I’ll take your under on separations. Ravens.
Jason: Steve Smith will no doubt play this game straight up and without incident. Panthers
Detroit (-1.5) @ NY Jets
Ryan: It’s been a long time since I’ve seen an NFL game that a team lost a game that it deserved to win more than the Jets against the Bears on Monday night. Muffed punt. Touchdown-negating blown call. Typical crushing Geno Smith errors. Still, though, there’s no law that says the football gods owe them anything this week. Lions.
Stephen: Let’s get one thing straight – the Jets don’t deserve to win any games. Which is why they rarely do. Because the world is just. LIONS
Jason: I know that I am in the minority here, but Geno Smith has played better than I expected, soul crushing turnovers aside. Jets
Tampa Bay @ Pittsburgh (-7.5)
Stephen: I saw a guy in a Logan Mankins Patriots jersey last week at the bar. I’m willing to bet I never see a Logan Mankins Bucs jersey in person. STEELERS
Ryan: Unrelated to either of your points, a major pet peeve of mine is when restaurants serve you those cute 8 oz soda bottles. Who do they think they’re pleasing with these things? I thought this was America. It’s usually these fancy schmancy places that try to pull off this scam, and they have the audacity to charge $3 for half a soda, and I always end up having to order a second. When I become President, I’m going to prosecute these establishments to the fullest extent of the law. Steelers.
Jacksonville @ San Diego (-13)
Stephen: An East Coast game playing on the West Coast at 4pm? Could be trouble. Especially considering the relative skill levels of these teams. I mean, it doesn’t seem real that there was a time that the Jaguars were good. I’ve been alive longer than their franchise and I saw their success, but I don’t believe my memories. Is that weird? CHARGERS
Ryan: Yup, totally weird. Speaking of weird, I fell asleep on the couch while I was watching Florida State-Clemson last week. Whenever this happens with a game that’s on CBS, Fox, NBC, or ABC, the local news broadcasts that inevitably follow the game haunt the ever-loving shit out of my dreams. I no longer recall the exact stories that waded in and out of my consciousness, but the local news always covers the most dastardly occurrences you can think of.
/BORTLES. Jaguars.
Jason: One of my favorite lines of the week. Blake Bortles should have been starting from day one, and I think Jacksonville, while still not being a good team, will show some fight while San Diego is now down both Ryan Mathews and Danny Woodhead. Jaguars
Philadelphia @ San Francisco (-5.5) Ryan: The 49ers are at a strongit of a crossroads here. At 1-2, in prostrongastrongly the toughest division in footstrongall, they can’t really afford to dig themselves much deeper. Colin Kaepernick has strongeen pretty strongad late in games. Doesn’t he know his LEGACY is at stake? In all seriousness, though, my perceptions of Kaepernick are completely warped strongecause every time I really focus on him he’s running left for 20+ yards whenever he feels like it against Green Bay.
This line seems too high, which means Vegas must KNOW something. 49ers.
Stephen: “Kaepernick Kaepernick Kaepernick?” – Being Colin Kaepernick EAGLES
Jason: I think the line reflects that San Francisco has been pretty good for a long stretch, and the Eagles, while being 3-0, have been trailing in the second half of each game. I like San Francisco to win, but the points are too high for my taste. Eagles
Atlanta (-3) @ Minnesota
Jason: It’s Teddy Bridgewater time. Which means that the nation gets to hear Chris Berman do bad Art Garfunkel impersonations. Falcons
Stephen: Things won’t be so easy for the Falcons this week. They’ll win by 2+ touchdowns unless Cordarrelle Paterson does some spectacular shit, but still. Much more difficult. FALCONS
Ryan: I’m gonna let you, our dear readers, in on a little secret of how this sausage gets made in these here Pigskin Pigsplosion posts. Stephen forgets to bold his stuff half the time, and then Lisk or I must clean up the mess. SMDH. Vikings.
New Orleans (-3) @ Dallas
Stephen: Oh boy. Tony Romo in a nationally televised, primetime game. The only question is whether this is a close game with a backbreaking turnover or a blowout. If DeMarco Murray can get going early, then expect that backbreaking turnover. Of course, there’s also the chance that Murray collapses on the field from exhaustion at some point very soon. It’s really tough guessing how the Cowboys will lose this game! SAINTS
Ryan: I think you might be getting the #narrative wrong, Stephen. After this game, the Cowboys still have three primetime matchups to go the rest of the season. The logical plot point would be for Romo to lead a heroic late drive FOR THE WIN, thereby labeling him as CLUTCH, with a bunch of talking heads yelling at anyone who has ever dared to say otherwise. Cowboys.
Jason: There are so many story lines and narratives that some of them will end up continuing (and others will continue regardless). You’ve got Tony Romo in primetime, in a potential shootout. You have the Saints, who are a totally different team on the road. You have Rob Ryan against the team that let him go, because his defenses were getting torched almost as much as the Saints’ D in the first two weeks of this year. Cowboys
New England (-3.5) @ Kansas City
Jason: You know it’s bad when you are in a game with Alex Smith, and he’s not the biggest check down quarterback . . . something, something about the Patriots’ bad offense this year and Tom Brady, linking my article. Chiefs
Stephen: Tom Brady linked your article? He never links my articles about him and they are much more complimentary. He’s a very handsome man. PATRIOTS
Ryan: Have you guys ever noticed that they never give you enough bread or crackers when you order a charcuterie plate? It’s always the first stuff to go, and then the waitress never brings reinforcement quickly enough. This will be another egregious restaurant faux pas that I will ban when I become President. Chiefs.
Jason: You know, I’ve never noticed that, because WTF is a charcuterie plate?