Pigskin Pigsplosion Week 6 NFL Preview: the Jets Try to Become Less Dysfunctional Against Broncos, Browns a Rare Favorite Over the Steelers

The Pigskin Pigsplosion is back for yet another timely look at the week to come in the NFL. Last week, Stephen rocketed to the front in the picks, and will try to hold on this week while still managing a few jokes.

Last Week

Stephen: 11-4
Ryan: 5-10
Jason: 6-9

Overall

Stephen: 41-34-1
Ryan: 40-35-1
Jason: 38-37-1

Indianapolis (-2.5) @ Houston

Stephen: It’s Thursday night and I feel alright… T.G.I.F.! Ya’ll ready for another blowout? Well if you aren’t, here’s a stupid thing I made with MS Paint that really makes no sense, but made me laugh. TEXANS

Ryan: Jim Irsay’s suspension expires tomorrow, which means this:

I keep hearing that the SHARPS and WISEGUYS don’t like this Colts team. Wonder if this news impacts their stats? Colts.

Jason: I have picked against the home team every Thursday night. It’s time for a change. Texans

Denver (-8) @ NY Jets

Ryan: My friend Brett Smiley, who writes over at the Fox Buzzer, reminded me of these now-funny examples of premature infatuation earlier this week:

What happens when a Mountain time zone team travels East? Broncos.

Jason: My good amigo Travis had a high school buddy Mike, who had a simple gambling philosophy. If he really liked a line, then he took the opposite. It was a brilliant recognition of his inability to pick games. Anyway, I’m reminded of that here, as I bet Mike loves the Broncos this week, because who could possibly love the Jets’ train wreck? There were people on Twitter suggesting this line would be 20. So this seems like easy money if you take the Broncos. Jets

Stephen: This reminds me of the time that someone on Twitter told me he was going to use my picks in the Hilton Super Contest because I was like 18-11 or something. Since then, I have picked no less than 2 winners a week. BRONCOS

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland (-2)

Jason: This is only the second time since the new Browns were formed in 1999 that they have been favored against the Steelers. That’s a span of 32 games, which is kind of amazing, and sums up the fortunes of these teams as much as a shirt with the names of all the Browns quarterbacks over the years. The only other time Pittsburgh has been an underdog was just last year in Cleveland, and Pittsburgh won that won 27-11. The optimism in Cleveland on the rise, while Pittsburgh hasn’t looked great over the last two games against the two bad Florida teams. So of course, Steelers.

Stephen: Good gravy. 32 games? That’s like 100 years. BROWNS

Ryan: Here’s the type of profound sports analysis that you’ll find here and nowhere else: If the Browns didn’t get behind by so much all the time, they wouldn’t have to mount these absurd comebacks. Steelers.

Jacksonville @ Tennessee (-6)

Jason: Before the season, ESPN’s team bloggers had the Tennessee Titans going 1-15. After the opening weekend victory, they’ve looked pretty bad, and just blew a 28-3 lead at home against the Browns. I’m not sure either of these teams deserves to be favored, and I have a general rule: don’t lay big points with a bad team. If this one was in December, like the rematch in Jacksonville, it might be full of first overall pick intrigue. As it stands, it’s just a bad game in October. Jaguars.

Stephen: Should have flexed this one to Thursday. TITANS

Ryan: Everyone should tweet at Scott Hanson and Andrew Siciliano and ask them to feature this game heavily on the Red Zone Channels. Jaguars.

Chicago @ Atlanta (-3)

Ryan: Let’s say that, hypothetically, there were some all-knowing spirit out there who would tell you the answers to life mysteries. If you had access to that mythical being as a mechanism for settling wagers, how much would you bet that Wilbon’s source here is Brian Urlacher?

I’d bet like $1,000. Bears.

Jason: Am I limited in the number of NFL mysteries I find out? Because I’m certainly starting with Goodell and the Ray Rice videotape. Falcons

Stephen: Perhaps Cutler isn’t the problem in Chicago. Just a thought. Giving some some broad, anonymous declaration like “[Team X] will never win with [Player X]” is so stupid. You know who else the Bears have never won with? Anyone on their roster in the last 30 years. Whoever gave Wilbon that cute little tidbit never won shit either. BEARS

Green Bay (-3.5) @ Miami

Stephen: Ryan probably has a lot to say about the Packers, but I cut him in line to do the discount double check thing. So topical. PACKERS

Ryan: Fine, I’ll spare my analysis and just pick them again this week. Green Bay’s letdown will come against either Carolina or New Orleans in the next two weeks.

Jason: Joe Philbin probably has photos on someone important in Green Bay, which he will strategically use the night before the game. Dolphins

Detroit (-1.5) @ Minnesota

Jason: Calvin Johnson playing but not really being healthy has submarined my fantasy team the last two weeks. Please rest him, so Golden Tate can really dial up the douchiness this week. Lions

Stephen: Meanwhile, I picked up Adrian Peterson for a dollar in my auction league. That’s how worthless Danny Amendola has been this season. I’m better off with the guy who I know won’t play. LIONS

Ryan: Fantasy football remains one of my least favorite things to do, and at some point I’m gonna devote a whole whiny post to it. NOT YET, though. If Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal had their podcast this week, Simmons would’ve said, “Are we sure the Lions are any good?” After some banter back and forth, the conclusion would’ve been MAYBE NOT. Vikings.

Carolina @ Cincinnati (-7)

Stephen: The Bengals losing to the Patriots last week was very confusing. PANTHERS

Ryan: The Bengals are still a good football team (read that again, but in Mike Ditka’s voice), and I swore on Sunday night that I would pick them this week no matter the spread, but this just seems like too many points. Carolina.

Jason: I am picking them and not even looking at the spread, just to keep your word that you promised aloud to the pictures on your wall. You’re welcome, Ryan. Bengals

New England (-3) @ Buffalo

Stephen: Big game, but nobody in Buffalo is worried. They’re focused.

BILLS

Ryan: The most fun outcome of all would be for the Bills to shellack the Patriots this week. All of a sudden, Buffalo’s 4-2 and alone atop the AFC East and there’s another week full of IS TOM BRADY ALMOST FINISHED IN NEW ENGLAND?! stories. Picking Pats though. (And, even if the dream scenario does happen, you just know Buffalo will collapse in November and December and New England will win the division anyway.

Jason: Brady’s big day involved throwing 2 touchdowns in a game for the first time in nine tries. Rooting for Jim Schwartz to get carried off again here. Bills

Baltimore (-3) @ Tampa Bay

Stephen: Ravens fans are the worst. They’ll fit right in in Florida. RAVENS

Ryan: The other day, there was a book (it doesn’t really matter which one for this story) I wanted to buy. Preferring to support the local indie store, I called them first. They didn’t have it, but said they could order it for me. I don’t mean to be a dick about it, but why would anyone take that option over buying it on Amazon, spending less money, and having it delivered to your door instead of having to leave the house? Ravens.

Jason: I find myself asking that same question about standing in line for 14 hours to eat sausage. Ravens

San Diego (-7) @ Oakland

Jason: Tony Sparano buried a football. Problems solved. Raiders

Stephen: Tony Sparano and Tony Soprano have very similar names. Don’t know if anyone has ever noticed that. CHARGERS

Ryan: Mind. Blown. Chargers.

Dallas @ Seattle (-8)

Ryan: This is so dumb, but I have a lot of vanity in these picks, and mine were pretty crappy last week. As Seattle was purportedly running out the clock on Monday night, I was GChatting with Lisk PRAYING that they’d get a field goal for the cover so I could go 5-10 instead of 4-11. Then this happened, and I was a happy camper:

Line seems a little too high, though it’s worth noting that this WILL be national TV Romo. Dallas.

Jason: In before Stephen tells us that the Seahawks are really good at home. Seahawks

Stephen: Seahawks at home against Tony Romo on national television? SEAHAWKS

Washington @ Arizona (-3.5)

Stephen: IIRC Kirk Cousins has never lost a game in the state of Arizona. Unless Michigan State played in some stupid bowl game there. CARDINALS

Ryan: Nothing’s worse than hoping Drew Stanton pulls off a backdoor cover against the Broncos only to see him go down and get replaced by some guy named Logan Thomas. Okay some things are worse than that (like being Drew Stanton in this scenario and getting concussed, as opposed to losing your dumb “pick”), and it’s kind of silly that some guy on his couch (me) is authoritatively denigrating someone who’s ostensibly one of the 100 best quarterbacks in the world. Washington. 

Jason: It just sucks that we won’t get two Michigan State quarterbacks in this game. That is the definition of the “worst.” As we know, Michigan State equals TV Ratings. Washington

NY Giants @ Philadelphia (-2.5)

Jason: My favorite play of the week. Eagles are winning but haven’t been particularly impressive, and are struggling to run the ball effectively. The Giants have played much better each week, and now have a healthy Odell Beckham to join Cruz and Randle against the Eagles flammable pass defense.

Add in the lack of home field advantage–as I talked about here and in the past–in these series where both division rivals are within 200 miles of each other and play outdoors. Since 2004, home teams in these five series are only 55-54 SU, and 44-59-6 ATS. A built in home field advantage in the line when none really exists, plus getting the team playing better has me going with the Giants.

Stephen: Lisk seems to have a theory about this game. Works for me. GIANTS

Ryan: Yeah, I’m piggybacking here, too. Giants. 

San Francisco (-3.5) @ St. Louis

Ryan: I feel like I’m making this pick with a sawed off and a ski mask. 49ers.

Jason: As if we aren’t going to get enough of St. Louis versus San Francisco this week, the sports gods have dropped this one right in our laps, so their won’t be a day off from this tremendous city rivalry. How are we so blessed? Oh, and I fully expect a tie. Rams.

Stephen: Are the Blues playing the… Ducks? This has been Top Shelf. 49ERS