Four People Netflix Should Hire For a Tom Brady Roast

Everybody got real excited yesterday when rumors surfaced that Tom Brady might give stand-up comedy a try. Sadly and predictably these rumors were investigated and quickly disproven by TMZ. However, a lifeline was thrown in the form of a potential Brady Netflix roast from that same TMZ report:

Hold your tomatoes -- Tom Brady is NOT pursuing a full-blown second career in stand-up comedy, but the recently retired NFL superstar might still be making people chuckle at his expense in the future, TMZ Sports has learned.

Sources with direct knowledge tell us ... recent reports of TB12 wanting to venture into the funny business are bogus. The 7-time Super Bowl champion is, however, in talks with Netflix to be the center of a roast special ... with a working title, "The Greatest Roast of All Time."

There are battling instinctual reactions at play here. On the one hand, a Brady roast could be hilarious because there are so many things to mock about the guy and it is always funny watching someone so wildly successful get ripped for an hour. On the other hand, Brady's public image is carefully manicured and it is very hard to imagine he'd sign up for this without complete control over what jokes are being told, which defeats the purpose of the whole enterprise.

So to make this fun, let's just imagine that Brady has no idea who will be at the roast and what jokes will be told at his expense. Here are the five people Netflix needs to bring aboard in order to make it the highest-quality roast possible.

Bill Belichick

Duh. A no-brainer choice. Belichick's sneaky funny side that nobody outside his inner circle gets to see is nearly as infamous as his cranky outwards persona by now. He has two decades' worth of close interpersonal interactions to draw on. In fact, there's an argument to be made that Belichick knows Brady better than any member of his family with how much time they spent together. And is a roast that much different than the way he ripped into Brady during film sessions? I'd guess not. All we need is a Belichick co-sign and we're good to go here. Which surely won't be a problem.

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Paul Rudd

Rudd presumably has a relationship with Brady after they worked together on another Netflix special (you know, the one where everyone thought they made a Robert Kraft massage parlor joke). Rudd is also an avid Kansas City Chiefs fan, so he can act as the representative football fan who finally gets his chance to tear into the quarterback who killed his team's dreams for so many years. It would also just be funny to see Rudd get a little mean considering he is almost always the happy-go-lucky character in his movies.

Tom Brady Sr.

Nobody likes talking to the press more about Tom Brady than his dad, so let's get him in on the roast. A parent is always a good roast option because they've got stories. The problem would be getting Brady Sr. to really let loose and it may not happen but it's worth bringing him aboard for a few stories about young TB12 to laugh at.

Rob Gronkowski

Another no-brainer choice. It is worth questioning how Gronk's, uh, comedic style would translate to a roast. He's more of a physical comedy guy. But he knows Brady super well and has already poked fun at him numerous times in his media appearances. Gronk can bring the light-hearted content to the roast and you know he's down to do it as long as the check clears.