I Wish I Loved Anything as Much as Golf People Love the U.S. Open Rough

The Venn diagram of dads who love to serve as diligent, borderline obsessive caretakers for their lawns and enjoy snoozing in front of weekend major golf tournaments is just one big circle. So it may be the biggest week for these people since all those cookie-cutter baseball/football stadiums switched from artificial turf to natural grass.

This edition of the U.S. Open at Winged Foot will be particularly challenging thanks large in part to rough thicker than Elliott Gould's chest hair. This is super sexy because the Tour's players have gotten too good and these -25 or -30 winning scores are boring. The public demands to see these seemingly immortal golfers humbled by their own mortality and the elements, no matter how extreme.

So spoiler alert for anyone wanting to go into the fall's first-ever major fresh: you're going to hear about the rough approximately 2,302 times during the four-day event. Maybe more. Enough to make any drinking game downright irresponsible.

Here's a primer. It took about 8 seconds to find all of these rough cuts.

OK, on one hand, I really get the point and don't need to be hammered over the head with it. On the other, this genuine love of some tall-ass grass is pure. Refreshing. Inspiring. The heart wants what the heart wants and I wish mine was capable of wanting something this much.

Unscientifically, this overgrown love is slightly greater than NBA fans' lust for moderately compelling drama and slightly less than college football fans' infatuation with any high-scoring game that goes past 1 a.m. on the East Coast.