NFL Podium Fashion: Tom Brady's Depression, Drew Stanton's Cry For Help, and Andy Dalton's Swag

One of the most convenient platforms for an NFL player to expand that all-important personal brand is at the postgame podium, where answering bland questions can also double as an opportunity to showcase their fashion sensibilities and personality to millions of fans and #brands across the globe.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it most certainly does NOT. These are their stories.

***

Unfortunate BYE Weeks

There were none! So here, enjoy Peyton Manning and his strange, scrotum-slapped forehead.

In addition to there being no teams off, many of the game’s greatest characters played on Turkey Day. So in the event that some of you may have missed the coverage while being the sex-repellant messes that you are — like most of the original TBL commenters — enjoy!

***

Tom Brady

When Tom Brady has just lost a football game, it’s insanely apparent that Tom Brady has just lost a football game. Jesus dude, snap out of it. And while I understand the great benefits of Xanax, please be careful. Also, great getup. About as inspired as your expression.

***

Drew Stanton

I have difficulty in mocking this outfit because A) Drew Stanton is living out the dream of the professional wrestler he never was, and B) That amazing deadpan would make Frank Drebin wet his pants.

***

Jeff Fisher

Always liked Jeff Fisher during his days with the Titans. Seemed like a supportive guy with genuine concern for his players. Now? Now Jeff Fisher is the Vince McMahon of the NFL, which is a difficult title to claim in a league loaded with clowns lacking the very basic fundamentals of self-awareness.

***

Andy Dalton

Whether you believe in the Bengals or not — and you don’t — Andy Dalton has blown the roof off the joint when it comes to looking the part. Never have we witnessed someone so screwed by genetics, yet rise up and smack the living hell out of said genetics.

***

Tyrod Taylor

"We made it tough on ourselves with the loss today, but we have to go week-by-week and keep coming with positivity." pic.twitter.com/5L2eBi5sk4
— Buffalo Bills (@BuffaloBills) November 29, 2015

I like this dude. He’s very conscious of how he looks but doesn’t go over the top. He gets it. In 2015, knowing someone who “gets it” or seeing someone who “gets it” is akin to winning a Pulitzer. Incredibly sad, but true.

***

WHAT?

"We have great leaders. We talked it out in the locker room. We don't need negativity. Never know what can happen." pic.twitter.com/kO2fbVm6gY
— Buffalo Bills (@BuffaloBills) November 29, 2015

Yeah, inspiring notes and thoughts of admiration are often followed by WHAT IN THE LIVING HELL IS THIS? Get well, get well soon, we wish to get well!

Oh what a stirring little anthem of wellness.

***

Matt Ryan

This man is a fascinating, sweaty disaster and there’s not one thing I don’t love about it. Over the years, many beloved coaches and players have been lauded for wearing their emotions on their sleeves, but there’s nothing commendable or fun about routinely wearing losses on your face.

***

Teddy Bridgewater

It’s hard to hate on people who are willing to put in the effort in whatever walk of life it might be. But jesus, Teddy, this is like wearing a suit, a Ric Flair robe, and another suit. Fastening seven different ties to the same shirt — as ridiculous as that may sound — would’ve been a more reasonable approach.

***

Big Ben

As Melissa Kara pointed out, it appears that notoriously unkempt QB Ben Roethlisberger finally treated himself to a shower. Hell of a moment. But moving personal strides are often accompanied by great tragedy. In this case, Ben’s socks.

***

The Falcons

Falcons left searching for answers following fifth loss in six games.

WATCH: https://t.co/PY37PGPEsa #MINvsATL pic.twitter.com/8gFaWpDn0o
— Atlanta Falcons (@AtlantaFalcons) November 29, 2015

The official Twitter account for the Atlanta Falcons is one of great candor and remarkable self-awareness. Much respect.

***

The Texans

Since Texans scored 2 TDs, go to @JackBox tomorrow for FREE monster taco w/ purchase -- say 'Touchdown for Tacos.' pic.twitter.com/QCoyRT1Zt5
— Houston Texans (@HoustonTexans) November 30, 2015

Inspiring franchise. And by inspiring, I mean wildly stupid and forgettable.

***

Mike Mularkey

“Hi Mike, Tim Ryan from The Big Lead. In as few words as possible, can you explain why your team sucks? Oh. Oh I see. Well, great talking to you and hope we can pick this up again soon.”

***

Russell Wilson

How did @DangeRussWilson feel after tonight's win over Pittsburgh?

VIDEO [https://t.co/Imuq69mq9O]#PITvsSEA #HBD pic.twitter.com/1yBGW2q36f
— Seattle Seahawks (@Seahawks) November 30, 2015

Looking sharp and finally looking happy. Perhaps Russ’s brave, vagina-resistant testicles finally descended somewhere inside Ciara?

***

Doug Baldwin, Jr.

"It was phenomenal..It was a great team effort." - @DougBaldwinJr

VIDEO [https://t.co/GimhmcTlbc]#PITvsSEA pic.twitter.com/Rbqs8Bz15S
— Seattle Seahawks (@Seahawks) November 30, 2015

Great look, Doug. Please keep me abreast of any and all available tee-times. And once you do so, please forklift me directly into hell.

***

The 49ers

#CyberMonday is here. Stock up on 49ers gear for gifts (or to keep) and take 25% off today! https://t.co/FGeZquqGDe pic.twitter.com/g3O1zesftL
— San Francisco 49ers (@49ers) November 30, 2015

It should really be 175% off. Getting it severely wrong is basically the 49er way.

***

Brief Bonus Round

Tarp at Lambeau has the field masquerading as an ice rink. #CHIvsGB pic.twitter.com/sVhTTFWwME
— Chicago Bears (@ChicagoBears) November 26, 2015

This is beautiful. Truly.

***