NFL Podium Fashion: Johnny Manziel Raises Eyebrows, Cam Newton's Dead Rabbit, and Philip Rivers Brings Back the Fish Face

One of the most convenient platforms for an NFL player to expand that all-important personal brand is at the postgame podium, where answering bland questions can also double as an opportunity to showcase their fashion sensibilities and personality to millions of fans and #brands across the globe.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it most certainly does NOT. These are their stories.

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No BYE Weeks

Sure, no BYE Weeks. But that changes nothing about the glaring absence of Andrew Luck, so please go ahead and take a little time to embrace this hairy hero.

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Cam Newton

Love the holiday-inspired sweater complete with elbow patches, admire the hell out of that $103,000 watch, but must stop right there with the compliments. A pair of jeans splattered with friendly clouds to go along with a dangling dead rabbit is no way to treat yourself after such a dominant win. As for the slippers, every guy in Brooklyn and Queens who has proudly worn a pinky ring since the age of 10 strongly approves.

And no, I don’t care what brands they are. Stupid is stupid, and most of this is pretty stupid.

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Johnny Manziel

Did Johnny Manziel somehow throw on his jacket before he put on his button-down? Jesus. All JFF had to do was tuck those pointy tips underneath the blazer and he’d be golden. But he didn’t, and as a result looks like a guy who would’ve been killed in the first episode of The Sopranos. Once again, the circle is so close to completion but Johnny has run out of quarters. Also, please apologize to Andy Dalton for stealing the Dual People’s Eyebrow look.

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Andy Dalton

Speaking of, it’s a shame what happened to Dalton on Sunday. Bengals fan or not, out for the season with three games to play is flat-out unfair. So in this instance, ditching the stylistic approach in favor of the Witness Protection program look was almost the only way to go.

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Professor Tomsula

The first 30 seconds of Jim Tomsula’s press conferences are always the best because that’s when he wears his reading glasses to go over brief game notes and injuries. But this week? This week it appeared Professor Tomsula needed a little help from the class. Someone please feed this fading man a stromboli with extra sauce.

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Phil Dawson

On the Sundays where Phil Dawson isn’t attempting field goals for the 49ers, he plays piano for the local church choir.

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AJ McCarron

The mere reference of Tom Brady replacing an injured Drew Bledsoe in 2001 has all but confirmed that AJ McCarron will be selling bedazzled t-shirts designed by his wife in two years. Pray all you want, my friend.

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Richie Incognito!

Did You Know? Richie Incognito played the bullied fat kid in Bad Santa. Kind of explains everything.

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Jay Cutler

This looks like someone blindly threw items into a shopping cart and then threw them onto Jay Cutler. Hard to put into words how much I appreciate this outfit.

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Philip Rivers

We haven’t seen a bolo tie all season — at least not on a Sunday — but Philip Rivers flipped the script and totally redeemed himself with the return of this world class Fish Face. Might be the best one yet.

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Aaron Rodgers

Yes, it’s a sweatshirt. No, that does not exempt Rodgers from the horrific white t-shirt rule. Being trapped in a Wisconsin fashion coma is akin to using shattered glass as a bath towel. Man, Hollywood Rodgers feels like it was six years ago even though it was Week 1 of the season.

My oh my, how things have changed.

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Hans Brady?

Yes, you read that right. Hans Brady. Because I have no idea what happened to Tom Brady. But the gentleman we have right here has the potential to be one of the greatest, most ruthless Bond villains of all time.

Also, as @ThomasFant deftly points out, a vest and a turtleneck? Hired assassin is all that comes to mind. And really, that’s basically what Brady is.

“Brady. Hans Brady.”

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Jason Garrett

Try and forget about the superficial things in life for a minute and take a moment to #PrayForJasonGarrett.

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J.J. Watt

No win, no sacks, no podium. There wasn’t a player in the NFL who wanted to go home on Sunday night more than J.J. Watt. He even tucked in his flashy chain as the press conference began, seemingly as some sort of self-punishment for being invisible on the field.

What a difference from “pre-game J.J. Watt.”

You just know he’s flexing here to accentuate the power of his breasts. The shocking difference in Watt’s “before & after” demeanor is the perfect example of how losing can torture a man’s soul.

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Vince Wilfork

I’ve been patiently waiting for big Vince at the podium all season long but have yet to see him featured anywhere. However, there is this photo of him arriving to the stadium. The simple black shirt with that big ‘ole gold chain and cargo shorts carrying a pre-game snack or two sings the song of Vince Wilfork in just about every way.

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Travis Benjamin

Tremendous belt buckle. But affixed to a winter hat? Yeeeeeeah … NO.

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Ben Roethlisberger

The NFL season is all about growth. And look at this: Big Ben in a tailored suit, wearing a paisley tie with the proper solid colors to par with, AND smiling. Holy crap, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

So, how does it feel, Ben?

Awwwww shucks.

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Brock Osweiler

See, this is what I love about Brock Osweiler. The guy suffers a brutal 15-12 loss to the Raiders at home and still shows up to the podium like it’s hardly causing him to pause. Plus, as you can see above, he’s taken the pledge of the scarf. #ScarfSeason #Scarfing

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Tyrod Taylor

Simply put, Tyrod Taylor gets it. There’s no reason to get ridiculously overdressed just as there’s no reason to look like you just finished slap-boxing a grizzly bear. Nicely done.

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Matt Ryan

We’ve been dancing around this for weeks now. Please. Seek. Help.

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Ryan Mathews

Well, this is different. If you’re gonna house that many tats on your chest, all you really need to do is throw on a tie. Alas, no tie. Hence, a colossal fail on the part of Ryan Mathews.

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Russell Wilson

Hey Russ, what do you think of the latest Russell Wilson-Future meme? Haha. Me too, bro. Me too.

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Matthew Stafford

Stafford gets the week off thanks to the discovery of this mind-blowing GIF. Deal with it.

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Sam Bradford

Congratulations to Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford, who finally got around to watching Into The Wild. Great movie. Now please, go bathe.

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Jameis Winston

This dude is the runaway winner for surprise of the year. I was expecting way more comedy, yet Jameis is the one putting veterans in a clown suit on a weekly basis.

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Alex Smith

This is not only what someone looks like when they chop down a Christmas tree, this is what someone looks like when they chop down a Christmas tree alone. Inspiring stuff, Alex.

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Eric Berry

If someone were to tell me that Eric Berry quit football to begin teaching a philosophy class about life as it relates to The Wire, I’d believe it.

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Eric Weddle

Eric. Weddle’s. Beard. Holy hell, even James Harden is standing and applauding.

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Clipboard Jesus

Charlie Whitehurst made his triumphant return to the postgame festivities and while he didn’t do so in his custom made, Ric Flair-approved suit, he did manage to project the aura of a wrestling heel not only to be feared, but remembered too.

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Carson Palmer

To the person who has neglected to tell Carson Palmer he either needs to hire a stylist or begin collecting a boatload of hats, you’re FIRED.

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Teddy Bridgewater

This random reporter or Vikings employee walking right in front of the camera during Teddy’s press conference ended up doing him an accidental favor. When you Tedward finally finds fashion again, then — and only then — will he find glory.

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Eric Wood

Hair of the year? It’s damn close. And certainly miles ahead of Carson Palmer’s untimely part down the middle.

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Larry Fitzgerald

Here’s Larry Fitzgerald attempting to provide proper rationale for ruining a great suit with an unwelcome, polka dotted tie. Every time Larry makes a concerted effort to reach the top of Mt. Fashion, it’s becoming clearer and clearer that George Costanza is his climbing partner.

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Bruce Arians

Bruce Arians without his hat is as awful as Randy Savage without his bandana. Get it together, BRUCE.

Oh there it is. Much better. As you can see, Bruce realizes what it means to style by going the relaxed route with this button-down. Cougars must love it. Amazingly, a 63-year-old man is doing it better, smarter and with more flair than most of the NFL.

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Adrian Peterson

What happens when you bitch and moan about not getting the ball enough, even when your gripe is completely legit? You conduct your postgame interview underneath the same clock you stared at during study hall in 8th grade.

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Blake Bortles

WTF! I give up. Next.

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Desmond Bryant

Noted maestro Desmond Bryant conducted a pleasing symphony immediately following Cleveland’s 24-10 win over San Francisco.

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Lane Johnson

And the award for what might be the weirdest outfit of the year goes to … Lane Johnson’s tits.

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Bonus Round

It’s amazing how the Sad Michael Jordan meme continues to be amusing. Maybe it’s the vast number of quality photoshop efforts, maybe it’s the believability of the tears regardless of environment, or maybe it’s simply seeing Michael Jordan’s head on every sad athlete in the entire world.

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Love this effort by the Cardinals twitter account. Staying in the conversation even on their day off. Don Draper would be proud.

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Frankly, none of this looks league approved. Fine ’em.

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The more you look at this photo, the grosser it gets.

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This is a candidate for NFL photo of the year. Hilarious.

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