Atlanta Marketing Execs Would Totally Butcher The New MLS Team Name

Atlanta Marketing Execs Would Totally Butcher The New MLS Team Name


Atlanta Marketing Execs Would Totally Butcher The New MLS Team Name

Arthur Blank is blowing hot air

The Atlanta Business Chronicle canvassed some business luminaries, in search of a name for the city’s new MLS club. The choices were…interesting. We picked out a selection to ridicule.

Atlanta Blue Sox: Because we’re starting a baseball team in 1875 and you could actually make the team wear blue socks.

Atlanta Campeones: Because nothing appeals to the Latino community like blatantly targeting the Latino community.

Atlanta Fire: Steal another team’s name. Brilliant.

Atlanta Honeybees: Because that won’t be similar to the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at all.

Atlanta Internationals: It won’t offend anyone. Though, to fit in with MLS naming norms, it should really be Internazionale Atlanta. That may offend the ‘Merican crowd with its cosmopolitan pretensions.

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Atlanta Kicks: Because we are naming a 10-year-old travel soccer team in 1987.

Atlanta Kings: This was proposed by multiple individuals. Because, really, you want to pay tribute to one of the greatest Americans in the most trivial way conceivable.

Atlanta Knights: Because “King Arthur.” Could save money on a mascot by just having Arthur Blank patrol the touchline with a crown and scepter.

Atlanta Metros: Embodying the Suburban sprawl would really bind the community together.

Atlanta Phoenix: Atlanta rose from the ashes of the Civil War. Still rising 150 years later.

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Atlanta Redstarts: No one knows what the hell that is. People will be intrigued.

Atlanta Tigers: As there clearly are not enough teams named “Tigers” south of the Mason-Dixon.

Atlanta Whales: Because when you think “Atlanta.” You think “Georgia’s state marine animal.”

Premier Atlanta: Because the “Premier League” is popular these days.

A few we liked…

Atlanta Aliens: Because it would be immediately shortened to ATLiens.

Atlanta Grits: Food related? Count me in.

Atlanta Fireballs: So ridiculous it’s charming. Potential incorporation of Mario fireball noises and graphics.

On a serious note. Go with “Atlanta FC.” Use red as the base color to match the Braves, Falcons and Hawks. This isn’t hard.

[Photo via USA Today Sports]

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