Only Animals Matching the Team Name Should be Allowed to Announce NFL Draft Picks

NFL Network Mike Mayock was legitimately upset that an orangutan announced the Indianapolis Colts’ three fourth-round draft picks. He correctly pointed out that the stunt diminished the big moments of Grover Stewart, Zach Banner and Hassan Ridgeway. The NFL Draft has been going full-steam in the direction of a full-on circus for some time now and Mayock should have no illusions about the made-for-television event he’s being paid to appear on. That said, his anger is understandable.

I’m mad too but it’s for a different reason. A very obvious reason.

Incorporating an animal into the mix to announce draft picks works better when the animal matches the team! It’s so clear. An orangutan revealing picks for the Indianapolis Colts is a waste. How about using a, just spitballing here, colt?

There are 15 teams in the NFL with animal-based nicknames. There are so many possibilities like:

• A raven flying in with piece of paper on its foot
• A ram running through a banner with the pick painted on its horns
• A bear revealing a top hat
• A dolphin popping up under the water with a waterproof card in its mouth

The list goes on and on. All would have been better than a bizarre Colts-orangutan marriage. If you’re going to resort to stupid pet tricks to keep viewers interested, at least have the basic competency to do it correctly.

Like Mayock, I’m angry. And it’s the righteous anger only a poor mix of primate and pigskin can inspire.