2014 World Series Predictions From the Big Lead Staff

The 2014 World Series — the Fall Classic — starts tonight in Kansas City with the Royals hosting the Giants. Let’s go on record and make some predictions on the games along with some lighter, less weighty topics. Sounds like fun, right? Maybe?

Who wins the 2014 World Series?

Cardillo: Giants in 6

Lisk: Well, I picked the Royals to win the World Series in our Playoff predictions post, in a completely unbiased and non-trolly way, so why change now? Royals in 7.

Glasspiegel: Royals in four.

McIntyre: Giants in five.

Douglas: I picked the Tigers in 5 before the playoffs started, so I see no reason to change my mind now.

Which player will win World Series MVP?

Cardillo: Pablo Sandoval

Lisk: Lorenzo Cain

Glasspiegel: Greg Holland

McIntyre: Bumgarner.

Douglas: Wait, the Tigers lost? Oh, yeah. Cardillo mentioned something about that. Reckon Madison Bumgarner will chug 7 beers.

How many beers will Madison Bumgarner chug if the Giants win?

Cardillo: No beers, instead he’ll swap it out for three Budweiser Apple-Ahh-Ritas to piss off the Internet.

Lisk: None, what he does is not chugging beers, but pouring beers all over his face. On the other hand, drinking beers through a straw is also not chugging beers.

Glasspiegel: Zero, because the Giants won’t win.

McIntyre: Someone will break out a funnel, and he’ll funnel seven beers on live TV.

Douglas: Oh, now we’re asking questions I already answered? Seven obviously. Though it should be pointed out that he’s not so much chugging as he is just pouring them on his face and chest. It’s really a waste of beer that we should stop celebrating.

How many beers will Jason Lisk chug if the Royals win?

Cardillo: Do nachos count as beer?

Lisk: I’d like to think this run began when I pulled out a beer pong victory on my birthday at Kaufman Stadium.

Bryan Adams' Summer of 69 comes the speakers and I go 4 of 6 to close out beer pong. Coincidence?
— Jason Lisk (@JasonLisk) June 5, 2014

Yeah, I’m leaving the typo, since it authenticates the beer chugging. So I’m going to say more than six. And they will be consumed.

Glasspiegel: A thousand.

McIntyre: Quaaludes. At which point, it’ll finally hit him: It wasn’t pass interference on the Irish!

Douglas: No father of seven should be hugging beer.

Will any game of the Series take under four hours to complete?

Cardillo: I hope so. In fact that’s my only rooting interest for the next week: shorter games.

Lisk: Yes, these aren’t the Yankees and Red Sox, thank goodness.

Glasspiegel: Probably.

McIntyre: No.

Douglas: Yes.

Cardillo: 17

Lisk: 69

Glasspiegel: 990,837,894,392,374.

McIntyre: 85.

Douglas: A few. Maybe more.

How many times will Fox air that come hither Viagra ad with the blonde woman with the British (Australian?) accent during the Series?

Cardillo: 19.

Lisk: If it goes a full seven games, at least 30 times. Also, I’m getting the weird sensation that maybe I am the target audience? Now I am worried.

Glasspiegel: See last section’s answer.

McIntyre: The better question — how many tents will George Brett pitch over the ad?

Douglas: This post has a lot of questions about partying. I’d say somewhere between 3-4 times per game.

Will anyone hit a home run into the fountains at Kauffman Stadium or into McCovey Cove, if so, who?

Cardillo: Mike Morse (fountains)

Lisk: Yes. Nori Aoki.

Glasspiegel: No, but mainly because I don’t want to look up any names.

McIntyre: Three. Will Clark, Danny Tartabull, Steve Balboni.

Douglas: Hunter Pence.

Should Royals fans, Giants fans or even general baseball fans feel guilty about devoting their time to a #dyingsport when there is so much else you could do with your leisure time? Remember, in case someone hadn’t reminded you in the last seven minutes, baseball is not as popular as it once was in America.

Cardillo: Yes since obviously baseball is a dumb sport for NERDS who ruin it for everyone else.

Lisk: Not only should we not feel guilty, we should relish the angst of people in New York getting to hug their thoroughly washed up Jeter pillows.

Glasspiegel: Only if fans of whatever show Fox normally airs during that time slot get upset and vent about it on Twitter.

McIntyre: Probably not. What would the saber guys do if the season was shortened by 40 games and ended August 1?

Douglas: Who wrote these questions? I’ll be watching Ink Master and New Girl tonight. Black-ish, South Park and The League on Wednesday. Other than that, I will feel great about watching baseball.

Which player will you “like” at the start of Game 1 and be annoyed by later on thanks to the Fox coverage?

Cardillo: Hunter Pence. We all get it. He’s quirky.

Lisk: Brandon Belt.

Glasspiegel: I’m gonna have to plead ignorance on this one.

McIntyre: Bret Saberhagen.

Douglas: Jeter.

Will noted George Brett fan Lorde (or Randy Marsh) appear during any World Series game?

Cardillo: Nah.

Lisk: if someone gets her a ticket, we come to blows.

Glasspiegel: Why? I thought this was America.

McIntyre: Kevin Seitzer? Wait …

Douglas: No.

It’s a given Ned Yost will call for sacrifice bunts … but will he do so during the first inning of a World Series game?

Cardillo: Yes.

Lisk: Vegas wouldn’t even offer this one as a prop bet. Yes.

Glasspiegel: Ideally, yes. And even more ideally, it will work. It’s really too bad Tim McCarver isn’t around to repeatedly and condescendingly call Yost a GENIUS, thus drawing further ire from the sabermetrics mob.

McIntyre: See, sacrifice bunts have no juice. They’re the equivalent of dinking and dunking in the NFL, or a patient, shot-clock eating college basketball game that ends up 51-48.

Douglas: Ned Yost called for a bunt, but all he got was this stupid post.

True or False: Tim Lincecum is still on the Giants?

Cardillo: True

Lisk: He’s the 19th inning guy.

Glasspiegel: Probably.

McIntyre: Isn’t he filming Dazed and Confused, the sequel?

Douglas: True.

Why don’t they make sports posters like this anymore?

Cardillo: Good question and I want to put that picture on InstagramSnapChatBook

Lisk: Because Will Clark is a jackoff and ruined it for everyone.

Glasspiegel: A Costaco Brothers comeback should happen a decade ago already.

McIntyre: In elementary school, my walls were littered with baseball posters. I have an impressive baseball card collection.

Douglas: Posters are a thing of the past.

Or this?

Cardillo: /clicks on eBay.

Lisk: just confirmed I don’t need that Viagra ad.

Glasspiegel: See previous section.

McIntyre: Look at those deltoids.

Douglas: Who knew the Raiders are looming over this post?

Better Royals nickname: Big Game James Shields or Steve “Bye Bye” Balboni?

Cardillo: You seriously have to ask? (Wait, I wrote this question.)

Lisk: Well, “Big Game” originated elsewhere, so come on.

Glasspiegel: Are we almost done with this yet?

McIntyre: I like saying Mark Gubicza out loud.

Douglas: Seriously, I started this three hours before it posted.

Anything else?

Cardillo: I hope Fox puts Bob Weir on national television.

Lisk: Looking forward to watching this amongst a bunch of old white guys.

Glasspiegel: The best thing about baseball is that it coincides with nice weather. The World Series’ conclusion is always a sign that it’s about to be awful outside forever until May. Pitchers and catchers, though it never really feels like it at the time, is the official glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

McIntyre: I can’t believe some of you haven’t signed up for our weekly fantasy football game. Afraid?

Douglas: Nobody reads the posts.