Chelsea's Secret Weapon According to Jose Mourinho ... the Motivational Speech by the Team Masseur?

Jose Mourinho already had the British soccer press wrapped around his fingers years ago, thanks in part to a series of memorable press conferences that produced one quality soundbite after another. The Chelsea manager’s latest quote, which the British journos will probably talk about from now until kingdom come, came after the Blues’ title-altering 1-0 win at Manchester City on Monday. Mourinho relayed that the he didn’t say anything in locker room before the match, instead leaving the team talk to Chelsea masseur Billy McCulloch.

Mourinho said he didn’t understand anything coming out of McCulloch’s mouth thanks to a thick Scottish brogue. Mourinho’s impression of McCulloch is fairly amusing:

When you’re Mourinho you basically say and do what you want all the time. After knocking off Manchester City on the road — holding City scoreless at the Etihad Stadium for the first time in 61 matches — it would have been more surprising if Mourinho hadn’t offered up something to woo the press.

Obviously Mourinho’s aggressive tactics — along with the overall health of the Chelsea squad — played more into the surprising result which drew the Blues level with City into second place, versus a Scottish guy yelling before the game (it presumably went something like this). Remember, too, Chelsea fielded a starting lineup filled with Brazilians, Serbs, and Belgians; I’d be more inclined to think players like David Luiz and Willian laughed more than they were inspired, but you never know.

Anyways, here’s nearly a 10 minute complilation of McCulloch telling jokes. Enjoy it? I’ve seen every Guy Ritchie movie and own Spaced Region 2 DVD set and struggled to understand most of his material. All I can say, is if your job entails rubbing the thighs of professional athletes on a daily basis, you’d better have a sense of humor as McCulloch apparently does.

[Editor’s Note: An earlier version of this post identified McCulloch as the team masseuse, rather than masseur.]